The Court of Conscience

Late in the afternoon, the city lights began to glow. In a small living room, Mr. Tuan sat quietly beside a cup of tea that had long gone cold. The television murmured steadily, but his mind was elsewhere. His eyes gazed out the window at the pale yellow streetlights, while one thought circled endlessly in his head: “That incident happened two months ago, so why can I still not forget it?”

Mr. Tuan had served as a government official for nearly twenty years. His life had been peaceful and regular, like the swing of a pendulum clock: work in the morning, home in the evening, caring for his wife and children. But two months prior, an old acquaintance named Hung visited him, carrying a stack of documents and a thick envelope. Hung laughed warmly, speaking with intimate familiarity.

“Brother Tuan, please help me with a small matter. You only need to sign here, allowing my company to slightly bypass the regulations. It is a tiny thing; no one will be harmed. Here is a small gift for you to support your children’s education.”

Mr. Tuan hesitated. Yet, thinking of the extra tuition fees for his teenage son and the heavy burden of daily expenses, he nodded. His hand trembled as he placed the pen on the paper, signing with a sinking feeling in his heart. The money in the envelope covered many needs, but from that day forward, his peace of mind was shattered.

At first, he reassured himself: “It was just a small matter; no one was hurt, so what sin have I committed?” However, the more he tried to dismiss it, the more restless he became. There were nights when sleep eluded him, and he tossed and turned continuously. His wife asked with concern, “What is wrong? You look so exhausted lately.”

Mr. Tuan could only sigh, unable to speak. Deep down, he knew he had done something wrong. He dared not tell anyone, but his conscience acted like a court that never ceased its work, judging him day and night.

One day, by chance, he met his old friend, Master Minh, who had studied with him at university and had since become a monk. Master Minh asked about his life, then looked at him with calm eyes. “Tuan, I see unrest in your eyes. Is there something troubling you?”

Mr. Tuan hesitated, then, as if a dam broke, he confessed everything. Master Minh listened without reproach, gently saying, “Do you know, the remorse you are enduring is your conscience speaking up. A person with a conscience feels uneasy when doing wrong. This is the most precious quality. Because you still feel remorse, you still have hope to correct your mistakes.”

Hearing this, Mr. Tuan felt enlightened. He realized that the prolonged unease over the past two months was a sign that his soul had not hardened or lost its goodness. He asked Master Minh, “So what should I do now? I cannot return the money because I have already spent part of it.”

“You can perform good deeds to make amends. More importantly, you must hold onto that repentance and do not let it fade. From now on, live uprightly and never allow yourself to fall into such a situation again.”

Mr. Tuan nodded. From that day, he began to change. He refused any ambiguous payments, however small. He visited the temple, listened to dharma talks, and learned about cause and effect (karmic law). Whenever he felt tempted, he remembered the relentless remorse of those days and held himself back.

Years later, Mr. Tuan remained an ordinary official, but his mind/heart was remarkably serene. He often told his children about the value of conscience and the importance of living uprightly. He said to them, “Father once made a mistake, but through knowing repentance, I found myself again. Remember, conscience is the most impartial court. Never try to bribe it.”

The Meaning of the Story

This story illustrates that conscience is a wisdom that inherently knows right from wrong within oneself. When a person with a conscience does wrong, they feel unease and remorse; this is their wholesome root, offering hope for correction and turning toward goodness. Conversely, one who commits evil acts with a numb heart, devoid of regret, has lost their conscience and easily falls into a cycle of sin with no escape. Conscience can be nurtured through education and merit accumulated from previous lives, but most importantly, we must learn to listen to its voice in every action.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Most Venerable Thich Chan Quang