Authority and Loving Kindness

A lesson for youth leaders on educating children: persuading through love rather than using authority to scold.

The temple grounds rang with the laughter of hundreds of children attending the summer ethics retreat. The midday sun was harsh, yet the atmosphere remained lively with outdoor activities. Amid the crowd, a group of youth leaders was busily guiding the little ones into formation. Suddenly, a loud shout rang out, tearing through the joyful air:

"Silence! Stand up straight! Why are you so disorderly?"

A young man, his face flushed with heat and irritation, glared at a child who was only about six years old. The little one flinched, wide eyes brimming with fear, lips trembling on the verge of tears but not daring to make a sound. The children nearby fell silent, shrinking back in fright.

The Master observed the scene from a distance and walked over with a stern yet gentle expression. He placed a hand on the young man's shoulder, causing him to freeze and bow his head in shame. The Master spoke, his voice deep and warm yet firm:

"You are not permitted to do that. Why? Because your task is to persuade the children, to help them behave well through loving kindness, not through authority or harshness. If you plant harshness into their innocent hearts, later on they will treat others with that same harshness."

The young man lifted his head, his eyes still carrying a trace of defiance, but he had begun to reflect. The Master continued, pointing toward the children at play:

"Only parents have the right to scold their children, for they gave birth to them, raised them, and endured countless hardships for their sake. As for you, you have only known these children for a few days. By what right do you assert your authority? You must learn to persuade through patience and love. When children realize they are loved, they will willingly behave well. That is true success."

The Master's words were like a bucket of cold water extinguishing the young man's impulsive anger. He looked back at the little child and saw that tears still glistened in the boy's eyes. He walked over, knelt down to the child's eye level, smiled and apologized, and gently adjusted the boy's posture. The child regarded him warily at first, then gradually broke into a smile and took his hand.

When night fell and the children had sunk into deep sleep, the youth leaders stayed awake through the night, taking turns keeping watch to ensure the children's absolute safety. They understood that the responsibility of a guide lies not in controlling through force, but in protecting and nurturing young hearts with devotion and unconditional love.

The Meaning of the Story

This story criticizes the habit of using authority and harshness in education, especially with children. The core lesson is this: adults, particularly youth leaders, have no right to scold or punish children if they are not their birth parents. Instead, they must use love, patience, and the art of persuasion to touch their hearts. Instilling negative energy (harshness) into a child's innocent soul will cause lasting consequences, turning them into rude people in the future. Proper education must arise from respect and sincere love.

Compiled from a dharma talk by the Venerable Thích Chân Quang.