Người Già Dặn

On the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, the bell at Phat Quang Pagoda rang out amidst the remote mountains. Its sound lingered in the cool spring breeze. Early sunlight spread softly over the stone courtyard. A group of Buddhists sat quietly under the ancient eaves. The atmosphere was calm and spiritually serene.

Venerable Thich Chan Quang looked down at the assembly with a gentle smile. He spoke warmly about the season. Today is the fourth day of Tet, he said. Spring feelings are still abundant, and the wind remains fresh. We gather here at Phat Quang Pagoda to celebrate the new year. This celebration takes place within a realm that is both spring and Buddha-nature. This is our special privilege.

He noted that some people celebrate without visiting a temple. They seek only friends and relatives for entertainment. Some spend their days playing cards. Others drink wine until time passes. More respectable individuals rush from one shrine to another. They light incense quickly and offer money before hurrying away to pray elsewhere.

However, there are those who are truly special. They seek quiet temples to listen to teachings. They pursue higher spiritual realms through practice. They are not hurried or reckless. They do not chase shallow pleasures. Instead, they celebrate with depth, clarity, and nobility.

The teacher nodded thoughtfully. His eyes reflected deep contemplation. Each year, time flows on relentlessly. What do we gain? We gain age. Is adding years always good or bad? Children feel joy when they grow older. Their bodies develop, and new classes open up. Their future seems bright. But for adults, aging brings loss. Health declines, mental sharpness fades, and work ends with retirement.

The teacher observed the assembly and continued. Vietnamese people celebrate Tet with meaning, affection, and moral principles. It is not a superficial joy. We honor traditions, family visits, and respect for parents, teachers, and the temple. In many regions, after midnight, people go to the temple first before doing anything else.

Today, the teacher shared a topic of moral wisdom: What does it mean to be old? He lowered his voice. Being old is not merely being advanced in age. Some elderly people refuse to accept their age. They try to remain young forever, often disturbing their neighbors. True happiness for a community comes when elders embrace their maturity. Here, age does not guarantee wisdom. Sometimes, true maturity exists in those who are not yet old.

He told a story about a child returning home. The child asked her mother to change her grandmother. When the teacher asked why, the child explained. She had described her real grandmother in an essay. Her grandmother dyed her hair monthly, wore dresses, danced in parks, and painted her nails. She even danced while cooking. The teacher gave her no points because this description was incorrect.

The schoolteacher insisted that a grandmother should chew betel nut, wear her hair in a bun, dress in traditional southern clothes, and have missing teeth. The teacher smiled at this anecdote. This is a case of an elderly woman refusing to act her age. Her refusal burdens her students. We must distinguish between chronological age and true maturity. Maturity refers to life experience, demeanor, and inner strength. Two people may both be sixty years old. One may possess profound maturity, while the other remains naive.

The teacher began to explain the life experience of a mature person. Imagine someone approaches you with a proposal. There is a plot of land available cheaply because the farmer needs cash. If bought now, it will become residential land later. The value could increase a thousandfold. An immature person would immediately agree to inspect and buy it.

A mature person asks different questions. Why did you not invest yourself? You claim to be busy elsewhere. If the profit is so great, why come to me instead of your own friends or relatives? Why sell it cheap if you know its value will rise? Is there a hidden problem? This skepticism defines maturity. Trusting immediate offers reveals naivety.

Life experience means remaining calm when hearing of potential gains. It involves questioning and self-reflection. After considering these doubts, one secretly investigates further. This cautious approach characterizes a mature mind.

Consider another example. An elderly man loses his wife. Someone introduces him to a much younger woman as a companion. An immature man might accept immediately due to loneliness or vanity. A mature man asks critical questions. Why was she introduced? What is my financial status? If I die in three years, will she take everything? Is her love genuine, or is it motivated by wealth? Can true love exist across such a large age gap? Marriage requires sincere affection and shared endurance of hardships, free from greed. Does a man in his sixties truly need to remarry? These are the questions a mature person asks.

First, maturity is rooted in life experience. It means staying calm, avoiding greed, and exercising judgment when faced with benefits. Next, the teacher discussed emotional resilience. Mature behavior avoids impulsiveness and haste. When young, harsh words or betrayal trigger anger and a desire for revenge. A mature person does not react with rage. Betrayal may cause loss, but life, wisdom, and reputation remain intact. One lives peacefully and happily. The ultimate goal of human life is happiness, not money, assets, or power.

Human nature can be fickle. Living long enough teaches us this truth deeply. Finding a perfectly loyal partner is rare. Therefore, betrayal is common and should not cause excessive suffering. The priority is maintaining inner peace. We must live each day in tranquility and happiness.

Another trait of maturity is humility. Mature people do not rely solely on their own thoughts. Einstein once noted that ninety-five percent of his ideas were wrong. From childhood, we dream of specific futures. Yet few achieve exactly what they imagined. Life rarely conforms to our expectations. Elders learn this lesson profoundly.

For instance, a young girl dreams of marrying a prince from fairy tales. Reality often presents a humble worker with no parents. He expresses love simply. When asked how he will support her, he says nature provides. She refuses to eat grass. Life is not a dream.

Mature understanding recognizes that plans often fail. One should prepare for more than fifty percent failure. If things go wrong, there must still be resources to survive. There must be a retreat path and acceptance. This lack of arrogance defines maturity.

Emotional restraint is also key. Mature people hide extreme likes and dislikes. They control anger and pride. Young people express emotions openly, whether loving intensely or hating fiercely. Elders maintain composure. Even great joy is met with a simple smile.

Imagine winning a lottery jackpot. A young person might jump and shout. An elder simply smiles. Seeing an older person smile after checking tickets indicates a win. Restraint signals maturity. Similarly, when encountering someone disliked, one does not show contempt. No insults or rude gestures occur. A polite nod and departure suffice. Expressing hatred is uncivilized and invites conflict. It creates enmity and lacks culture.

Even love is expressed moderately. Mature people do not engage in excessive public displays of affection. Holding hands tightly or kissing repeatedly is considered impolite and culturally inappropriate. Such behavior can make observers uncomfortable. Love is kept in the heart, expressed through respectful words.

This moderation is civilized and ethical. A bodhisattva loves all beings infinitely across the dharma realm. Yet, this compassion is calm and subtle. Like a master who cares deeply for disciples, the focus is on teaching them to become virtuous. The goal is for them to attain enlightenment and preserve the Buddha's teachings. It is not about physical embraces or sentimental declarations. True care is tranquil and steady.

Finally, mature people easily forgive others' mistakes. Having lived a full life, they recognize their own errors. No one is perfect. Youthful idealism assumes lifelong purity. Reality shows otherwise. By the end of life, one's faults fill the coffin completely.

The teacher joked gently. Do not pour tea into the coffin. My sins already occupy every space. Indeed, a lifetime of mistakes accumulates heavily.

Therefore, elders empathize with others' faults. When seeing error, they seek causes rather than judging. The aim is to help prevent recurrence, not to harbor resentment. Consider a child stealing small items. This habit breaks moral integrity. Later, as an official, such a person might embezzle funds. Corruption stems from early habits.

Karma dictates consequences. Stealing creates debt. Repayment may involve rebirth as animals or slaves. Victims of past theft may return as masters who abuse servants. Hatred persists across lifetimes. Explaining cause and effect helps guide the child. Advice should be compassionate, not hateful.

Recall the poem about picking starfruit from a neighbor's tree. Many children share this playful mischief. Initially, it seems harmless. However, small thefts escalate to larger crimes. Prevention starts early. One must stop the behavior without despising the person.

The teacher then addressed adultery.