The title is The Man Who Set Fire to His Ex-Lover’s House.

This story illustrates the Buddha’s teaching that causing suffering to others is, in fact, causing suffering to oneself. It recounts how a man, driven by wounded pride and inner turmoil, burned down his ex-partner’s home.

As dusk fell, the last rays of sunlight turned the small rented room golden. A man sat at an old wooden table, his hands trembling as he held a newspaper, yet his eyes did not focus on a single word. Inside his heart, a storm was raging, fierce and unceasing.

He and she had once lived together without marriage or legal ties. They came together through affection and parted ways for the same reason. After one argument, she said, “Do not come here anymore; I do not want to see you!” He left angrily, muttering, “I do not need you either!” But three days later, longing and wounded pride began to torment him. When friends asked, “So, were you dumped?” those words cut into his self-esteem like a knife.

He returned, trying to speak sweetly, but she remained cold. She acted aloof, testing his patience. He left again, then returned, torn between dignity and the desire for warmth. A friend advised him, “Let it go; this is too exhausting.” He snapped back, “What do you know? I cannot bear being looked down upon!” Deep inside, however, he knew he was making himself suffer, his mind spinning with no way out.

One night, after days of anguish, he decided to act. He waited until her sleeping hours, knowing the layout of her house well. He poured gasoline into a container, lit it, and threw it into the room where she and her young child were sleeping. Flames erupted, and screams echoed through the night. He stood watching, feeling no remorse, only a strange sensation: a mix of satisfaction and emptiness.

Tragically, she and the child died in the fire. He was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment. In his cell, huddled behind bars, he realized that his inner conflict, pride, and selfishness had led him to such cruelty. He had caused suffering to others, but before that, he had caused immense suffering to himself countless times.

The Meaning of the Story

This narrative reflects the Buddha’s profound truth: “Do not cause harm to yourself, and do not cause harm to others.” When we inflict pain on others, we have already harmed ourselves through our own distress, pride, and selfishness. To avoid creating negative karma, we must recognize and control our mind from the very first subtle thought.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Venerable Thich Chan Quang