Hatred in the Heart

This is the story of Tissa, the Buddha's cousin, who constantly harbored resentment after being reprimanded by the monks, and the lesson about letting go of grudges.

In the late afternoon of the year's end, in the Jeta Grove, the golden sunlight faded gently through the leaves. A group of young monks was sweeping the temple courtyard, the sound of bamboo brooms rustling across the dry ground. Suddenly, from a distance, a large and imposing figure approached, his robes billowing in the wind. It was Tissa, the Buddha's cousin, who had been ordained only a few months earlier. He walked straight into the middle of the assembly and sat pompously on the highest seat, a place reserved only for the elders. The other monks looked at one another, shook their heads, but said nothing.

Tissa came from royalty and was over fifty years old when he ordained. Because he was the Buddha's cousin, he grew arrogant and looked down on those who had practiced longer than he had. He often pushed his way forward, claimed the best seats, walked ahead of others, and spoke loudly, causing much annoyance. But out of respect for the Buddha, they endured it. Tissa believed that everyone feared and deferred to him, and so he grew more and more conceited.

One day, monks returned from distant lands to visit the Buddha. They were elders who had spent many years spreading the teachings. Seeing Tissa sitting majestically in the center of the assembly, they assumed he was a venerable elder worthy of respect. They came to bow at his feet, washed his feet, and respectfully asked:

"Venerable sir, how long have you been ordained?"

Tissa lifted his chin high and replied:

"I have only been ordained a few months."

The monks were startled, then spoke sternly:

"In that case, you should not be sitting here. A newly ordained monk, when others bow to him, must know how to decline such respect. You cannot behave so discourteously!"

Hearing this, Tissa flushed red, sprang to his feet, and stomped his foot in a rage:

"How dare you scold me? You look down on me? I will tell the Buddha!"

With that, he stomped off straight to where the Buddha was, running and weeping as he went:

"World-Honored One, they scolded me, they insulted me, they made me suffer!"

The Buddha looked at his cousin and asked gently:

"What happened?"

"I am newly ordained, and they said I could not sit in the middle. They drove me away!"

The Buddha sighed:

"Tissa, you are at fault. You must apologize to them. You should not have sat in the place reserved for elders."

But Tissa stubbornly insisted:

"I refuse! They scolded me first. I cannot help but be angry!"

The Buddha looked at his cousin with sorrowful eyes:

"You keep using the excuse that people scolded you to feed your anger. But do you not see that this very anger is what makes you suffer?"

Tissa would not listen. In a huff, he returned to his room. The other monks reported to the Buddha:

"World-Honored One, Tissa is truly stubborn and headstrong!"

The Buddha smiled:

"It is not only in this life. In a past life, this man was just as stubborn."

Then he told a story from long ago: In ancient times, there were two ascetics named Devala and Narada. Devala arrived first and asked to stay in the home of a kind-hearted potter. A short while later, Narada also arrived and asked for lodging. The potter asked Devala whether he would agree to share the space, and Devala gladly consented. That night, after finishing his meditation, Narada went outside to practice walking meditation. It was pitch dark, and he did not see Devala lying right in the middle of the doorway, enjoying the breeze, and he stepped on his head. Devala cried out:

"Good heavens! Why did you step on my head?"

Narada quickly apologized:

"Forgive me, I did not see you lying there. It is so dark!"

But Devala's anger would not subside, and he snapped:

"You have harmed me! You are trying to kill me!"

Narada went back outside, and when he returned, he carefully tried to avoid the same spot. But Devala had turned his head, and so Narada stepped on his neck. Devala howled even louder:

"How cruel you are! You are killing me!"

Narada apologized again and again, but Devala refused to accept it. He sat there complaining and making a fuss until morning, so that the whole neighborhood could not sleep. The Buddha concluded:

"The one who deliberately lay in the doorway to be stepped on, and then used that as an excuse to blame another, is none other than Tissa today. That habit has still not been abandoned."

Then he recited this verse:

"He insulted me, he beat me, he harmed me, he robbed me. Whoever clings to such thoughts, hatred will never cease. He insulted me, he beat me, he harmed me, he robbed me. Whoever releases such thoughts, hatred will fade away on its own."

Hearing this, Tissa bowed his head in silence. Gradually, he came to understand his own faults. He learned to let go of his anger and to live in harmony with the community. From then on, he practiced with greater diligence, no longer arrogant, no longer harboring hatred in his heart.

The Meaning of the Story

The lesson Venerable Thich Chan Quang wished to convey is this: When others wrong us, if we keep clinging to the thought "he insulted me, he beat me," then hatred will never cease, and we will make ourselves suffer. On the other hand, if we know how to let go and forget the hurts, hatred will dissolve on its own. Do not be like Tissa, always finding excuses for anger. Instead, train your heart to be expansive, humble, and full of compassion, so that every insult becomes like an egg thrown against a rock, unable to shake us.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Venerable Thich Chan Quang.