The Spoiled Child and the Lesson of the Middle Way

In the late afternoon, pale golden sunlight filtered through the kitchen window, where a father was busily washing dishes. Water trickled softly, and plates clinked gently against one another. Suddenly, the living room door was flung open, and a fifteen-year-old boy stormed in, threw his schoolbag onto the chair, and muttered unpleasant words under his breath. The father turned and looked at his son, a trace of sadness in his eyes.

The boy's name was Minh. From a young age, he had been the only son in a well-off family. His parents, especially his father, had always indulged him without limit. Whatever he wanted, he received; he was never refused. Whenever he did something wrong, his parents only gently advised him, and at times even laughed it off and let it pass. The father believed that with love and indulgence alone, the boy would naturally grow into a good person. But gradually, Minh became stubborn and selfish. He listened to no one and did whatever he pleased. At school, he hit his classmates and talked back to his teachers. At home, he argued with his parents and smashed things whenever he was displeased.

The father stood there, looking at his son's scowling face. He wanted to shout, to give the boy a good scolding, but then he held back. He was afraid his son would get angry, afraid he would become even worse. He sighed and said softly, "Minh, you must be tired from school. Go rest in your room, and I'll call you when your mother finishes cooking dinner." Minh did not bother to respond. He grabbed his bag, walked straight into his room, and slammed the door. The father shook his head, a vague sense of worry rising in his heart.

But things only grew worse. Minh began skipping school to hang out with bad friends. He demanded money from his parents to spend, and if they refused, he threw tantrums and screamed. One time, he even threatened to run away from home if they did not buy him an expensive motorbike. Only then did the father panic. He realized that his indulgence had ruined his son. He decided to change and became much stricter. He scolded Minh whenever he did wrong, forbade him from everything, and at times even hit him. But Minh only became more rebellious. Not only did he fail to correct himself, he grew stubborn and distant from his parents. He rarely spoke with them, went wherever he pleased without asking permission, and buried himself in his phone whenever he was home.

One evening, after another argument with his father about his studies, Minh shouted, "You don't need to worry about me anymore. I don't need you. I'm leaving home!" With that, he rushed out the door. The father stood frozen, his heart tightening. He ran after him, but Minh had already disappeared from view. That night, he sat alone in the living room, tears streaming down his haggard face. He blamed himself: "I was wrong. I spoiled him too much, and then I was too strict. I never knew where the middle ground was."

Fortunately, a good friend persuaded Minh to come home after two days away. But from then on, the relationship between father and son grew cold. In his anguish, the father sought out a wise teacher for advice. The teacher listened to his story, then said slowly, "Raising a child is like cooking. If the fire is too strong, the food burns; if the fire is too weak, it never cooks. A father must know when to show love and when to be strict. When your child does well, embrace him and praise him. When your child does wrong, teach him with firmness. Do not always be loving and indulgent, nor always scolding and punishing. You must adapt to the moment, the place, and the nature of your child."

The father felt as though he had been awakened. He began to change the way he treated Minh. Whenever Minh did something good, however small, he praised him and showed his love. Whenever Minh did wrong, he called him over, spoke with him seriously, and helped him understand right from wrong, instead of scolding or hitting him. At first, Minh remained indifferent, but gradually he felt his father's sincerity. He began to listen, and then to change. He studied harder, became more respectful, and the bond between father and son slowly healed.

Many years later, Minh grew into a mature and understanding young man. In one conversation with his father, he said, "Thank you, Father, for never giving up on me. If you had kept spoiling me as before, I might have been ruined. And if you had only beaten and scolded me, I would truly have run away." The father smiled, his heart overflowing with happiness. He understood that it was the balance between love and strictness, between too much and too little, that had saved his son.

The Meaning of the Story

The lesson that Master Thích Chân Quang wished to convey is this: in raising children, as in all relationships in life, we need to keep to the middle way. Excessive love will spoil a child, while excessive strictness will push the child away. We must know how to adapt our attitude to the moment, the place, and the person. This sense of moderation is wisdom, and it is the key to all success in education and in life.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Venerable Thích Chân Quang