Three Star Apples and Two Kinds of Feeling

That afternoon, in the quiet meditation forest, I sat beneath a bodhi tree, listening to the wind whisper through the leaves. A young monk sat beside me, his eyes full of curiosity, and suddenly asked:

“Venerable Teacher, I have heard that feelings are of two types: internal feeling and external feeling. But I do not fully understand. Please explain.”

I smiled, gazing into the distance, and told him a story from my childhood when I first entered the monastery to practice.

Back then, I was a novice who loved to eat. One day, I asked permission to go to the market with my senior brothers. On the way back, I saw a street vendor selling fresh green star apples, looking so sour and sweet that I craved them. I bought three, planning to enjoy them alone. But I knew if my senior brothers saw them, they would surely share. So I hid them carefully: one in my hand, and two under my sleeping mat.

That afternoon, I sat in class studying sutras, but my heart was restless. I only waited for nightfall, when everyone was asleep, to sneakily enjoy the remaining two. At dinner time, I took the first apple, bit into it, and felt the refreshing sourness spread across my tongue, followed by a gentle sweetness. That sensation was pleasant and comfortable. This is a feeling arising from contact with the outside world, called external feeling.

Night fell. I lay on my creaking wooden bed, hearing the steady snoring of my senior brothers. I closed my eyes, imagining the two apples under my mat, their sour-sweet taste melting on my tongue. Just thinking about it made me crave them and feel joyful inside. This sensation did not come from outside, but was imagined by my own mind/heart, called internal feeling.

Waiting until everyone was deeply asleep, I slowly turned over and reached under my mat to find the two apples. But my hand searched endlessly, finding nothing. The apples had vanished! Panicked, I jumped up and rummaged everywhere. In the darkness, I saw a small note at the corner of my bed. Under the flickering oil lamp, I read my senior brother’s scribbled words: “Thank you, little brother, the two apples were delicious!”

A surge of anger erupted within me. I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists, and my heart pounded. This irritation and discomfort arose from an external event; it was another kind of external feeling. But then, I suddenly realized: even the initial craving and imagination about those two apples had caused me suffering. I had been waiting anxiously, unable to find peace. This is the binding nature of feeling.

Having finished the story, I looked at the young monk, who was listening intently, and spoke slowly:

“You see, feelings, whether happy or sad, are all bindings. When our mind/heart is agitated or uneasy, whether by joy or sorrow, that is suffering (dukkha). The Buddha taught that feelings are always suffering because they disturb our mind/heart, preventing true peace.”

The young monk nodded, his eyes brightening. I continued:

“A neutral feeling, neither happy nor sad, is also a type of feeling. It is distinct from the state of no feeling, such as in the attainment of cessation of perception and feeling. The Buddha distinguished these clearly, without error. He taught that even when we do not perceive happiness or sadness, there is still a subtle, neutral sensation. That is neutral feeling, not the absence of feeling.”

The young monk remained silent for a long while, then asked:

“Venerable Teacher, how can I escape the binding nature of feelings?”

I smiled, looking at him with kindness:

“Observe feelings objectively, adding nothing and subtracting nothing. When happy, know you are happy. When sad, know you are sad. Do not cling to them, and do not let them lead you. Watch them like clouds drifting in the sky, coming and going without leaving a trace. This is contemplating feelings in feelings, helping you gradually escape the bondage of sensation.”

The young monk pressed his palms together, bowed to me, and left. Watching his figure disappear behind the trees, I felt serene. I recalled the Buddha’s teachings on feelings, the subtlety of the Dharma, and silently admired His great wisdom, which had seen through the nature of all sensations more than two thousand years ago.

The Meaning of the Story

The story of the three star apples and two kinds of feeling helps us understand the nature of sensation better: whether internal or external, happy or sad, all are bindings that agitate the mind/heart and cause unease, which is suffering (dukkha). The Buddha teaches us to observe feelings objectively, without addition or subtraction, so that we may gradually free ourselves from their control and attain true peace.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Venerable Thich Chan Quang