Three Gentle Reminders

When the monks quarreled, the Buddha offered advice three times, only to be refused each time. He quietly departed, leaving behind a profound lesson on self-awareness and brotherhood.

The bamboo grove beside the Ganges River remained green with peace, but inside the monastery at Kosambi, the air burned like fire. Sounds of arguing, accusations, and shouting echoed endlessly. The bhikkhus living there no longer looked at one another with kindness. They stared with hatred, spoke words sharp as knives, and wielded verbal weapons that wounded everyone they touched.

It began with small differences in understanding the precepts. One monk insisted on begging for alms in order, while another preferred going in groups. Some praised one practice, others criticized it. These initial disagreements were mere sparks, but because no one yielded or listened, the sparks grew into a blaze that consumed their brotherhood. Day after day, they held grudges over every word, glance, and gesture. Some even harbored thoughts like: "He scolded me, he struck me, he harmed me, he robbed me." Hatred piled up like a mountain, and no one was willing to stop.

One day, a bhikkhu who could not bear this painful scene left the monastery and went straight to the Blessed One. Upon meeting the Buddha, he bowed respectfully and said:

"Venerable Sir, the bhikkhus at Kosambi are competing, disputing, and fighting with one another. They have hurt each other with verbal weapons. It would be good if the Blessed One, out of maternal compassion, would visit them."

The Buddha accepted silently. He asked no further questions and offered no rebukes. He simply stood up, put on his robe, took his bowl, and walked toward the monastery. His steps were slow and steady, his face calm as an unrippled lake, showing no trace of irritation or worry.

Upon arriving, amidst the heated argument, the Buddha stopped and spoke gently:

"Enough, bhikkhus. Do not compete, dispute, divide, or fight with one another."

Instead of bowing in obedience, one bhikkhu stepped forward, joined his palms together, and replied with pride:

"Venerable Sir, you are the master of the Dharma. Please hold back. Do not trouble yourself. Let the Blessed One dwell in the bliss of the present moment. We will take responsibility for this competition, dispute, division, and conflict."

The Buddha said nothing more. He simply looked at the bhikkhu, then spoke again for the second time:

"Enough, bhikkhus. Do not compete, dispute, divide, or fight with one another."

The same bhikkhu remained standing, hands still joined, still stubborn:

"Venerable Sir, please hold back. Dwell in your own blissful present, and let us handle our own affairs."

For the third time, the Buddha repeated the exact same advice. And for the third time, the bhikkhu answered just as defiantly. Without a word of blame or a sign of anger, the Buddha turned and walked away. He did not use authority, harsh words, or force anyone to kneel in repentance. He simply left, allowing the echoes of their arguments to remain behind.

The next morning, the Buddha put on his robe, took his bowl, and entered the city of Kosambi for alms. On his way back, after settling his dwelling, he stood under the vast sky and recited a verse:

"In a crowd that shouts, no one thinks themselves foolish. In a divided Sangha, no one looks upward. The heedless fool speaks a hundred idle things. Mouth open, spewing gold, yet wandering where no one knows. 'He scolded me, he struck me, he harmed me, he robbed me.' Whoever holds onto such resentment cannot extinguish hatred. 'He scolded me, he struck me, he harmed me, he robbed me.' Whoever does not hold onto such resentment allows hatred to fade naturally. Hatred is never ended by hatred; only compassion ends hatred. This is an eternal law."

The Buddha left that place and headed toward the village of Balaka. Along the way, he visited Venerable Bhagu, a bhikkhu living alone in tranquility. Seeing the Blessed One approaching from afar, Venerable Bhagu quickly prepared a seat and offered water for washing feet. The Buddha sat down and asked:

"Bhikkhu, are you well? Are you living peacefully? Is your almsround free from fatigue?"

"Venerable Sir, we are well. I live peacefully, and my almsround causes no weariness."

After encouraging Venerable Bhagu with a brief dharma talk, the Buddha continued his journey to the Pacinavamsadaya forest. At the garden gate, the keeper saw a ascetic standing there and rushed out to block him:

"Ascetic, do not enter this garden. Three noble sons who cherish solitude reside here. Do not disturb them."

Hearing this, Venerable Anuruddha emerged from the garden, recognized the Blessed One, and told the keeper:

"Garden keeper, do not stop the Blessed One. Our teacher has arrived."

The Buddha entered the garden and met three harmonious bhikkhus: Venerables Anuruddha, Nandiya, and Kimbila. He asked:

"Anuruddhas, are you well? Are you peaceful? Is your almsround free from fatigue?"

"Venerable Sir, we are well, peaceful, and our almsround causes no weariness."

"Do you live in harmony, rejoicing in one another, without quarreling like water and milk, looking at each other with eyes of goodwill?"

"Venerable Sir, we truly live in harmony, rejoicing in one another, without quarreling like water and milk, looking at each other with eyes of goodwill."

"How do you achieve this?"

Venerable Anuruddha joined his palms and respectfully replied:

"Venerable Sir, we reflect thus: 'How beneficial it is for us to live with such holy companions.' Therefore, towards these companions, in thought, action, and speech, we cultivate loving-kindness. We think: 'I shall abandon my own mind and live in accordance with the minds of these venerable ones.' Venerable Sir, I abandon my own mind and live in accordance with theirs. Though we have different bodies, we are like one mind."

The Buddha smiled, his gaze gentle upon the three bhikkhus:

"Well done, Anuruddha, and well done all of you. Do you live without heedlessness, with ardor and diligence?"

"Venerable Sir, we live without heedlessness, with ardor and diligence. Whoever returns first from the village prepares the seats, sets out drinking water, foot-washing water, and a bowl for leftovers. Whoever returns later eats what remains if desired, or discards it among green plants or into water free of insects. That person tidies the seats, stores the water, puts away the leftover bowl, and sweeps the dining hall clean. If anyone sees the water pots empty, they refill them. If unable to do so alone, they signal a companion: 'Let us manage the water together.' Yet, Venerable Sir, we do not make noise over this. On the fifth day, Venerable Sir, we spend the entire night discussing the Dharma. Thus, we live without heedlessness, with ardor and diligence."

The Buddha listened silently and nodded. He needed no further questions. He clearly saw the difference between a place filled with conflict and a place of peace. At Kosambi, the bhikkhus used words as weapons, each clinging to their ego, each believing they were right. Here in the forest, three bhikkhus had learned to let go of the ego, living in accord with one another’s hearts, seeing each other as family. They needed no commands, no punishments, only self-discipline, mutual yielding, and care for one another.

The Buddha remained silent, then slowly rose and stepped out of the garden. He needed no additional words, for the greatest lesson had already unfolded before his eyes: harmony does not come from power or coercion, but from self-awareness and genuine love among those who share the same ideal.

**The Meaning of the Story**

This story teaches us that Buddhism relies not on institutional authority or force, but on the self-awareness of each individual. When criticized by others, instead of reacting harshly or preaching back, we should listen calmly and sincerely examine ourselves. True harmony and peace arise only when we know how to let go of the ego, live in accord with others’ hearts, and see everyone as brothers and sisters.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Most Venerable Thich Chan Quang