Reliance: The Silent Killer of Your Soul

Have you ever wondered why some people, born with beauty, wealth, or extraordinary talent, see their lives collapse? A senior government official once brought his son to a temple, asking the master for guidance. The boy spoke to his father with less respect than he showed his friends. Seeing this, the master understood immediately: the father had indulged him since childhood, so the boy lived with the mindset that his parents must obey him. This is the psychology of reliance—a force that slowly kills our soul and morality day by day. In this profound dharma talk, Venerable Thich Chan Quang helps us identify the "advantages" that easily become traps, leading to arrogance, mistakes, and the loss of our true selves.

### What Is Reliance? Why Is It Dangerous?

Reliance occurs when we lean on a specific advantage or superior condition, leading to a chain of wrong attitudes and mindsets. Those who rely usually possess a significant strength. Ordinary people without such advantages have little to worry about. However, those who are handsome, wealthy, or intelligent are very susceptible to this psychological trap.

Venerable Chan Quang teaches: "Whatever you rely upon, you will lose. Whether it happens quickly or slowly depends on your merit, but you will inevitably lose it." We often think reliance is harmless, yet it destroys our soul, our ethics, and even the things we cherish. When we rely, we become arrogant. When we are arrogant, we act wrongly. When we act wrongly, the thing we relied upon disappears. This is the harsh principle of cause and effect (karmic law).

### The Greatest Debt: Misunderstanding Parental Love

The love parents have for their children is the most intense instinct. Yet, many parents love incorrectly. They indulge their children excessively, to the point where the child does not recognize it as love or noble sacrifice. Instead, they believe: "Parents must be like this; they must indulge me." This mindset sinks deep into the subconscious, turning the child into a spoiled person without them realizing it. When scolded, they remain stubborn, viewing indulgence as an obvious right.

As the teacher explains, the child fails to see the miracle and nobility of parental love, thinking only that parents are obligated to pamper them. Consequently, children from poor families, whose parents work hard in dirt and grime, often break free from this mindset. Conversely, children who are wrapped in comfort and indulgence form this reliance deeply within themselves. As adults, they become arrogant heirs who bully street vendors or strike those who resist—relying on family status, money, or power. This mindset kills their souls before they even know it.

### Advantages That Can Become Fatal Flaws

Many things we consider lucky are actually fertile ground for reliance. Venerable Chan Quang points out several examples. Beauty allows one to receive affection and admiration easily. If one relies on appearance, becoming haughty and exploiting others, joy fades quickly. Beauty diminishes as the soul becomes ugly. Health can lead to reckless enjoyment, staying up all night, believing one is invincible. Eventually, the body collapses, and healing comes too late.

Talent, whether in art, profession, or any skill, can lead to looking down on others if relied upon. Then, talent slowly vanishes. Intelligence is particularly dangerous because it is visible through achievements and grades. But when we rely on intellect, we risk losing everything. Even organizational membership, such as being a party member or part of a group, can lead to aggression and demands for privilege based on collective power. This also corrupts the mind.

Venerable Chan Quang shares his own experience. As a child, he was excellent at calculations. Once, when asked to help a friend with business math, a thought arose: "This is too simple." He made every calculation wrong. Through this, he realized the danger of relying on intelligence. The more confident we are in our strengths, the easier it is to become arrogant, and those strengths gradually fade. He warns that intellectual pride is terrifying, especially as age brings forgetfulness, causing all accumulated wisdom to flow away like water into the sea.

### The Danger of Reliance in Spiritual Practice

Reliance is not just a worldly issue; practitioners in the Buddha's teachings (Dharma) are also vulnerable. There is a principle in the Sangha: "Those who enter first are above; those who enter later are below." However, using this rule to look down on newcomers is a mistake. Many who join later may progress rapidly. During the time of the Buddha, Sariputta and Moggallana joined later than others but were entrusted with leading the Sangha. Such rules are relative.

Similarly, excelling in chanting sutras or giving dharma talks can become a trap. If we focus only on these skills while ignoring meditative concentration and spiritual development, we go astray. Even good meditation practice or strict adherence to precepts can become sources of pride. One teacher was extremely strict regarding women, cutting off his robe sleeve if it touched a woman. Yet, after some time, he left the monastic life to marry. This collapse resulted from relying on his own moral discipline.

### How to Recognize and Overcome Reliance

First, examine yourself honestly. When looking in a mirror, do we see ourselves ten times better than reality? Venerable Chan Quang notes that everyone sees themselves as more attractive than they truly are. This subjective bias is the root of reliance. Therefore, stay mindful. Do not assume that being loved today means you will be loved forever. Love is fragile. Do not think health or talent cannot be lost. Do not look down on others because of your intelligence.

Cause and effect (karmic law) spares no one. But if we stop, maintain humility, and use our advantages to serve the path, reliance will recede. Be cautious of what you currently possess. Do not let your strengths become your trap. Live as if you are starting fresh today—without dependency, without arrogance, with only a sincere heart toward goodness and diligence. Then, you will find this life light and free.