Disputes Arise When We Forget That Everyone Must Die

There is a story from the time of the Buddha that began with a trivial incident in a bathing room. Yet, it caused an entire monastery to split into two factions. The monks nearly starved, and even the celestial beings joined in the quarrel. Let us explore what the Buddha taught through this passage from the Dhammapada.

It Started With a Small Matter in the Bathing Room

During the Buddha’s era, at the Kosambi monastery, there were many bhikkhus. Some were dharma teachers who specialized in preaching, while others were vinaya masters who focused on monastic discipline. One day, a dharma teacher finished bathing and left his basin upside down, with a little water remaining inside. A vinaya master entered, saw this, and pointed out the error. The dharma teacher humbly acknowledged his mistake and performed repentance.

The matter seemed resolved. However, when the vinaya master went outside, he told his disciples, "Ignorance of an offense is still an offense." His disciples misunderstood this statement. Rumors spread, leading everyone to believe that the dharma teacher had refused to admit his fault. The two sides began to nitpick each other. Gradually, the entire monastery divided into two camps, engaging in fierce arguments.

They complained, "Having just bathed, leaving a drop of water behind causes such suffering."

The Mouth That Does Not Know How to Stay Closed

What truly created suffering? It was the mouth of the vinaya master. If he had remained silent after the other person accepted responsibility, nothing would have happened. But he spoke again, unable to restrain himself for just one moment. Our lives are similar. Countless misunderstandings and losses occur simply because of a single careless word.

Often, we take minor faults of others and broadcast them to everyone else.

Venerable Thich Chan Quang advises us to practice the virtue of silence. He teaches, "Let me know how to be silent, not speaking of others' faults, but quietly praying for them to overcome their errors." This is a very practical method of cultivation. It helps preserve blessings from merit for ourselves and for others.

When We Argue Even Against Our Teacher

When the Buddha came to mediate, the bhikkhus did not listen. Instead, they said, "Please, World-Honored One, focus on your own practice; let us handle this." They rejected the Buddha's guidance due to the clinging of their ego. This shows that even ordained people, when caught in the heat of competition, can disregard their teacher.

We are no different today. Many come to the Buddha's teachings (Dharma) with deep respect for the Buddha and their teachers. But when they enter work or community life, if they feel superior to their teacher, they begin to argue. Factions form, and conflicts arise. The Buddha offered advice, but no one listened. So, he departed, leaving behind a profound lesson.

Harmony Through Non-Self: The Lesson of Three Venerables

Meanwhile, the Buddha went to a forest where three venerable elders—Kimila, Anuruddha, and Nandiya—lived together. Their harmony was perfect, like milk mixed with water. No one needed reminders; each took care of their own duties and readily helped others. The Buddha praised them as those who achieved absolute harmony through non-self (anatta).

The Buddha predicted that from then on, anyone who recites the names of these three elders will encounter much good fortune. In our busy lives, if we live with a spirit of brotherhood and reduce our ego, families and society will find great peace and joy.

A Golden Verse on Impermanence

After three months of being boycotted by lay supporters, the bhikkhus grew weak from hunger. Finally, they realized their mistake. They performed repentance and asked to see the Buddha. The Buddha taught them:

"We fight over superiority and inferiority because we forget that everyone must die. If we knew death was waiting, why would we bother arguing?"

This short verse is deeply penetrating. We rush about competing, striving to be right, forgetting that all of us will eventually pass away. If we remember that impermanence (anicca) is always present, we will no longer wish to create conflict with anyone.

Impermanence Is the Antidote to All Disputes

Here is a vivid message: Let impermanence serve as the antidote to every argument. When you feel angry, remember that the other person will also die. When you want to win, remember that you too will leave this world. Nothing is worth the effort spent on a quarrel.

Venerable Thich Chan Quang emphasized, "If people argue, let them go hungry until they stop." Indeed, hunger and impermanence are harsh but effective teachers.

Dear friend, learn to remain silent when others make mistakes. Remember impermanence before every dispute, and choose to live in harmony. From today, whenever your heart rises with anger and you wish to argue, silently recite: "Kimila, Anuruddha, Nandiya," so your mind may return to stillness. Life is short. Live peacefully, for everyone will eventually depart.