Love: Instinct, Karmic Conditions, or Morality?

When we meet someone and our heart suddenly fills with joy, when we are apart and we long for them, or when we would give them all the money we have – these are the signs of love. Yet if asked "what is love?", few of us could answer. The poet Xuan Dieu himself admitted defeat before this question.

"Love is something we cannot put into words, but when we see its signs, we know it is there."

What Is Love? The Signs That Reveal It

Love is a feeling that language cannot fully express. It does not belong to the realm of thought, so every definition is merely a definition of its signs. It is like a black hole in the universe – we cannot see it, but we know it exists because celestial bodies orbit around it. So what are the signs of love? When we meet someone and feel joy in our heart, when we are apart and we miss them, or when we are ready to give them everything – these are clear signs. But be careful! These are only signs, and the deeper nature of love still holds many wonders.

Love Born of Instinct

The first kind of feeling comes from natural instinct. It is built into the body and psychology of human beings. For example, parents naturally love the children they bring into the world – that is instinct. But children do not naturally love their parents; that love must be learned through morality, through wisdom.

"Parents naturally love the children they give birth to – that is natural. But children do not love their parents. Only when they grow up and develop morality do they begin to know how to love their parents."

The beautiful and the talented are also easily loved, for that too is instinct. But these things are only the outer shell, quick to fade. Like the story of the girl who fought to marry a handsome young man, only to realize ten years later that "beauty cannot be sold for money." Once she understood, she had to struggle to earn a living, while her husband had to stay on guard, for his good looks had become a misfortune.

Love Born of Karmic Conditions

The second kind of feeling is driven by karmic conditions from the past. When two people have a debt to each other from many lifetimes, in this life they will find their way to one another. This explains why some couples from very different backgrounds remain deeply attached, or why some people feel familiar the very first time they meet. There are vows between two people that linger on, making the path of practice complicated.

"In a past life we owed each other, so in this life we love each other."

For this reason, we need to understand clearly so as not to become entangled in heavy karmic bonds, but instead to turn toward liberation. Be cautious with grand promises and vows, for they can bind us across many lifetimes.

Love Born of Morality

The third kind of feeling is formed by morality, and this is the most noble feeling of human beings. It is not instinct, not karmic conditions, but arises from wisdom and compassion. When we see another person suffering (dukkha) and our heart moves with tenderness, that is morality.

"To see another person's suffering and not feel love means we have not yet reached the level of a true human being."

When morality reaches its heights, we come to love our country and love humanity. Whether one is a street sweeper or an official, as long as one practices in the right direction, love will become as vast as the ocean. Remember: feeling compassion for the suffering of our fellow beings is the measure of our humanity.

Cultivating Love

Each of us has the capacity to nurture love. Begin by observing your own mind/heart: when you hear news of natural disasters or epidemics, do you feel sorrow? If you feel pain at the pain of others, you are stepping into the level of true humanity. Practice compassion every day, starting with the smallest acts, so that love becomes your very nature.

If you wish for your love to be more than instinct or karmic conditions, then practice and refine your morality. In doing so, compassion will become a light illuminating the path for yourself and for others.