Craving: Why Does the Heart Always Defeat Reason?

A young woman falls in love with a man who has no career, no future, and cannot even speak well. Her family offers reasons to dissuade her, but she simply replies, “I do not know why, but I love him.” This story may seem irrational, yet it is very familiar. Love, or what Buddhism calls craving, does not operate according to reason. Venerable Thich Chan Quang delivered a profound dharma talk to explore this intense emotion, inviting us to listen closely.

Why Is Love Impossible to Define?

In his teaching on Moral Psychology and Craving, Venerable Chan Quang begins by stating that love belongs to the realm of feeling. Feelings cannot be described using the language of consciousness. They reside deeper than the layer where we reason and articulate. Therefore, we only observe the phenomenon, name it, but fail to analyze it fully.

We merely recognize it, label it, and see its appearance as such. We know we are in love, but we cannot break it down into components. This is why people ask how one can define love. It exists in a place where language cannot reach. The teacher also mentions deep states of meditative concentration, which likewise cannot be expressed in words. Although feelings are shallower than meditation, they are still deeper than ordinary consciousness.

Love Is Stronger Than Reason – The Most Frightening Truth

The teacher explains that whatever lies deeper possesses greater power. Consciousness sits at the surface and appears weak. The deductions of reason always lose to emotion. Why do people plunge into twisted, complicated, and irrational relationships despite risking their honor, career, and future? Because love is always stronger than reason.

We see women loving vagrants, or fifty-year-old women loving men in their twenties. No logic can explain these choices. Love acts like a primal force, ready to push humans beyond social norms. Practitioners must be especially vigilant, for this force can override even the instinct for survival. People may commit suicide because of love.

The Second Instinct: The Longing to Be Loved

According to the teacher, humans have two instincts: survival and enjoyment. Love resides in the second instinct, creating a longing to love and to be loved. Anyone who lives without someone to care for, and without anyone caring for them, suffers terribly. The teacher recounts a beautiful, intelligent female classmate who was so lonely she wished to end her life. This shows that the need for affection cannot be underestimated.

To live in this world without being able to love anyone, and without anyone loving you back, brings immense suffering.

Four Signs of Love – And a Warning

The teacher identifies four simple signs that indicate one has fallen in love. You feel joy when meeting the person, sadness when apart, a constant desire to help them, and a wish for them to belong only to you. He emphasizes that whenever these four conditions arise in your heart, you know you are in love. You must act quickly to remedy the situation.

Whenever you notice these four things in your heart, you know you have begun to love. Hurry to treat this condition before it worsens.

The Formula for Suffering: Happiness Leads to Selfishness

The teacher presents an absolutely correct formula. The enjoyment of happiness always leads to selfishness. When we love, we experience strong happiness, and this very enjoyment gives rise to a selfish mind. Selfishness leads to jealousy, greed, and hatred. These afflictions create karma, which results in suffering. Practitioners must avoid craving precisely to escape this cycle of samsara.

The happiness found in the early stages of love always increases the tendency toward selfishness. The greater the happiness, the stronger the selfishness becomes.

Love as Repaying Debts – An Unstable Belief

An interesting perspective suggests that love is the repayment of past debts. Those who owe much love deeply and for a long time. Once the debt is paid, the affection cools. The teacher tells of a couple who were passionately in love, but after four years, their relationship suddenly turned cold because the karmic debt was settled. Thus, love is unstable; it depends on karma and conditions, as well as selfishness. Everyone wants to make eternal vows, but reality changes constantly.

There Is Still a Higher Form of Love

The teacher does not deny love but clarifies that nobler sentiments, such as love for one’s homeland or boundless compassion, are more worthy of poetic praise. He himself wrote a poem of repentance because, before knowing the Buddha's teachings, he had written about romantic love between men and women. Practitioners are encouraged to cultivate compassion, loving all sentient beings. This is a love free from selfishness and bondage.

Understanding craving means understanding the nature of samsara. Do not fear love, but remain mindful so you are not swept away by it. Transform the longing for affection into compassion, which is liberating love. Liberation is the ultimate goal for practitioners and for each of us.