The Psychology of Dependence: Why Do People with Many Strengths Easily Collapse?

**Summary:** Venerable Thich Chan Quang speaks about the psychology of dependence: relying on one's own strengths leads to arrogance, which results in failure. How to recognize and transform this mindset to live in peace.

Have you ever wondered why some people are born with all favorable conditions—intelligent, healthy, beautiful, wealthy—yet ultimately fail and lose everything? In a meditation course, Venerable Thich Chan Quang offered a surprising answer: it all stems from the psychology of dependence. This is a dangerous mindset that we might be carrying within ourselves without even realizing it.

**What is dependence?**

Thay Chan Quang defines it: "Dependence means relying on one of our advantages, which then leads to a wrong attitude, a wrong mindset that follows." Simply put, when we have a certain strength—like money, love, health, or wisdom—and we rely on it to treat others or to become complacent, we have fallen into dependence.

"Dependence means relying on one of our advantages, which then leads to a wrong attitude, a wrong mindset that follows."

For example, a person with good health might think: "I'm this healthy, so what if I stay up late or eat carelessly?" Then when illness strikes, they realize they have lost their very advantage. This is dependence.

**Being loved: Relying on the affection of parents and others**

Thay Chan Quang points out that we most easily become dependent on the love of parents. A child pampered by parents may not understand it as love and sacrifice, but think that parents *must* act this way. This forms a deep-seated psychological dependence. He shares a story: a central-level official brought his child to the temple, complaining that the child was rebellious and disrespectful. But seeing how the man had spoiled the child from a young age, Thay knew that this unconscious love had corrupted the child.

It's not just parents; people also easily depend on the love of others. He says: "We are loved by someone and feel assured that we will be loved forever. Not true! Love is very impermanent (anicca)." Many couples break up simply because one side relied on the other's affection, no longer cherishing it, and gradually lost their heart.

"We are loved by someone and feel assured that we will be loved forever. Not true! Love is very impermanent (anicca)."

**Having advantages: Relying on appearance, health, wisdom**

Thay also reminds us of advantages that can foster dependence: noble lineage, appearance, health, talent, and wisdom. For example, a beautiful person often easily gains favor and special treatment, which can breed dependence. But there's an interesting truth: when we look in the mirror, we all see ourselves as more beautiful than we really are. He recalls that as a child, looking in the mirror, he thought he was very handsome, but later realized it was just a subjective mind. If he hadn't recognized this, he would have gone out acting pretentiously, and sooner or later, that advantage would fade.

The same applies to wisdom. He recalls being good at math as a child, very fast at mental arithmetic. When someone asked him to calculate something, he looked down on it, and the result was all wrong. Reflecting later, he saw that dependence made him careless. This is a lesson about the danger of arrogance.

**The law of cause and effect: Depend on what, lose what**

Thay Chan Quang affirms: "We depend on what, we will lose that." Whether it's lost quickly or slowly depends on our blessings from merit (phước báu), but we will certainly lose it. The easiest thing to lose is love, because love is the most fragile. When we rely on another's love without cherishing it, we gradually lose their heart, and it eventually breaks apart. Likewise, relying on appearance, health, talent... will cause those things to disappear according to the law of cause and effect (nhân quả).

"We depend on what, we will lose that. But whether it's lost quickly or slowly depends on our blessings from merit (phước báu). But we will lose it."

**Dependence in the spiritual path: More dangerous than in the world**

Thay Chan Quang warns that in the Buddha's teachings (Phật pháp), dependence is even more frightening. Some people rely on having entered the path early and then look down on those who came later. Some depend on their ability to chant sutras well, sit in meditation skillfully, or observe precepts strictly, forgetting that the main purpose is to cultivate the mind. He says: "This psychology of dependence destroys our spiritual heart and morality." Therefore, in a practice community (đạo tràng), those who are earlier have a responsibility to guide the newcomers, but should not become arrogant about seniority. The more one practices, the more diligent and humble one must be.

"This psychology of dependence destroys our spiritual heart and morality."

**How to recognize and let go of dependence?**

He teaches: "Once we depend, we will become arrogant. Once we are arrogant, we will act wrongly. Once we act wrongly, what we depended on will disappear." So how can we prevent this? Frequently reflect: What advantages do I have? Am I relying on them to become complacent or to look down on others? Remember that everything—appearance, health, money, love—is impermanent (vô thường). Only cultivation, effort, and humility can lead us to stable peace and joy.

"Once we depend, we will become arrogant. Once we are arrogant, we will act wrongly. Once we act wrongly, what we depended on will disappear."

Look within yourself and see what you are leaning on. Don't let your strengths become your downfall. Live with gratitude, be diligent in practice (tu tập), so that every aspect of life becomes an opportunity for transformation and joy.