He Insults Me, Hit Me, Harmed Me, Robbed Me… The Hatred Will Naturally Subside

Have you ever been hurt by a harsh word or a hurtful action that kept you awake at night? Or has someone’s careless deed left you feeling resentful for days? If so, you are not alone. Today, let us listen together to the lesson from the Dhammapada on resentment through the teaching of Venerable Thich Chan Quang.

The Story of the Monk Tissa: When the Buddha's Own Cousin Yielded to Resentment

In the Dhammapada, the Buddha tells of his own cousin, the monk Tissa. Having entered monastic life after the age of fifty, Tissa leveraged his relationship with the Buddha to act arrogantly, overshadowing other monks. When traveling monks saw him seated prominently in the assembly, they assumed he was a senior elder and paid him respects. Upon learning he was newly ordained, they admonished him. Tissa angrily ran to complain to the Buddha, claiming he had been scolded and harassed. Instead of offering comfort, the Buddha rebuked him, which only deepened Tissa's resentment.

The Buddha then recounted Tissa's past life. Long ago, an ascetic named Devala deliberately lay down at a doorway so that a passing ascetic would accidentally step on his head and neck. Devala used this as a pretext to make accusations, creating a great disturbance throughout the night. The Buddha pointed out: "Tissa was the ascetic Devala in a past life, possessing the same stubborn temperament, wishing others to be at fault so he had reason to blame them." And from this, the Buddha delivered this verse:

"He insulted me, hit me, he defeated me, robbed me. Whoever harbors such thoughts, their hatred will not cease. He insulted me, hit me, he defeated me, robbed me. Whoever does not harbor such thoughts, their hatred will naturally cease."

The verse is concise yet strikes at a very common human ailment: clinging to the fact that others have offended us to nurture anger.

Three Levels of Confronting Resentment: From the Mundane to the Supreme

The Venerable clearly outlined three levels of the mind when offended:

The Lower Level: Forever remembering how others have offended, judging, and nurturing resentment. Some harbor grudges for a lifetime, even seeking revenge.

The Middle Level: Forgetting, not thinking about it anymore. When others offend, we try to gradually forget, and the resentment will disappear.

The Higher Level: Remembering past events without anger. Instead, we use wisdom to examine the causes and ways to resolve them, thereby cutting off the roots of karma.

Most of us tend to stay at the lower level, striving to practice and reach the middle level. But the Venerable reminded: "Anyone who can reach the third level could be a teacher to others." Even if we cannot yet be such a master, we must at least shorten the time we harbor resentment in our hearts.

The Vicious Cycle of Turmoil: Why Trying to Forget Makes Us Remember More

The Venerable explained that when offended, our mind is shaken. This shock causes us to remember the offense, and remembering the offense shakes our mind again. In this way, the event creates a vicious cycle that makes it harder to forget. In medicine, this is called a "malignant cycle."

"When the mind is shaken, we remember the offense. And remembering the offense shakes the mind again. It continues like this, trapping us so we cannot break free."

Therefore, to forget an offense, we must learn to keep the mind from being shaken. But how?

The Secret to Avoiding Turmoil: Become the Mountain, Not the Grain of Sand

The Venerable offered a vivid analogy: if someone throws a rock at a large building, the building does not tremble. But if they throw an egg at a rock, the egg shatters. Thus, an offense only shakes us when our heart is small.

Life always has its "tsunamis" and "tempests." If we are a small hut, wind and rain can tear off the roof. But if we are a solid mountain, wind and rain are just a gentle breeze. Therefore, to remain unaffected by offenses, we must let our heart grow larger. This growth of the heart is not arrogance; it is quite the opposite.

Humility and Compassion: The Two Magical Principles for an Expanded Heart

The Venerable pointed out two principles for the heart to become great:

Humility: Always seeing oneself as small, like dust, like sand. When we are humble, we become great. The arrogant will see themselves as smaller.

Compassion: Loving all people and all sentient beings. Love is not just words, but a practice: upon seeing any person or creature, we aspire for their peace and happiness.

"The more we see ourselves as small as dust and sand, the more our heart expands. When we can love all people, our heart naturally grows, even if we do not wish it."

If our heart is vast like the sea, then a pebble of offense cannot stir waves. Thanks to humility and compassion, we can receive others' scolding and unreasonable actions without our mind being swayed.

Conclusion: Let Go of Resentment for a Peaceful New Year

As the new year approaches, let us look back: are there any grudges from the past year we are still holding onto? Are there any words or actions of others that still bother us? If so, let us practice letting go. Do not let trivial matters from the past continue to disturb our peace of mind.

Let us start with a little humility, a little compassion. Imagine our heart is an ancient rock, and life's storms are but passing clouds. Then, we will find that forgiveness and peace pervade our very being.

May each of us, in the new year, learn the art of forgiveness, so our hearts remain light as clouds, and hatred naturally subsides.