If You Knew That Criticizing Others Makes You Like Them

Have you ever felt the urge to criticize someone, only to realize one day that you possess those very same traits? This is an interesting lesson shared by Venerable Thich Chan Quang in his dharma talk titled "If You Knew."

The Frog at the Bottom of the Well – A Lesson on Limitation and Arrogance

Long ago, there was a frog living for many years inside a well. It hopped around, knowing nothing beyond the bottom of the well and a small patch of sky as large as a pot lid. It believed the entire universe consisted only of this space, and that it was the lord of all creatures. Venerable Chan Quang calls this the disease of arrogance, subjectivity, narrow-mindedness, and self-imprisonment within one’s own prejudices.

He explains that our ancestors criticized this condition as being arrogant, subjective, narrow, shallow, and unaware that one is trapped in their own biases. Modern humans are no different. When we know just a little, we think we know everything. One success makes us believe we are forever talented. Consequently, we easily look down on others, criticize them, and lose our humility.

Why Do We Often Criticize?

There is a peculiar psychological pattern: when we see flaws in others, we immediately assume we are superior. Venerable Chan Quang points out this formula: "As soon as I see another person's weakness, I feel competent." However, the truth is that while we spot others' errors, we may not be able to do what they do ourselves. For instance, after attending a presentation, we might critique a few points and feel wise. But if we stood on the stage, could we speak as eloquently as they did?

Criticizing involves two negative qualities: malice and pride. The moment we open our mouths to criticize, we create negative karma. Criticism does not only hurt others; it destroys our own soul from within. It causes our inner peace to rot away, distancing us from everyone else.

If You Knew That Criticizing Others Makes You Like Them

Venerable Chan Quang shares a childhood story. He used to dislike soccer until a famous player took refuge in the Three Jewels. Suddenly, his dislike vanished because he saw that person as gentle and exemplary. He also mentions stories of people who mocked others for stuttering, only to find themselves stuttering later; or those who ridiculed someone for limping, only to develop a limp themselves.

"If you knew that criticizing someone would make you exactly like them, you would dare not criticize anymore."

Therefore, every time we criticize, we are cultivating those very flaws within ourselves. Each critical word is a crack in our soul. Conversely, when we carefully praise others, our soul expands, our ego shrinks, and our merit grows.

The Power of Praise and Humility

Venerable Chan Quang quotes Isaac Newton: "What we know is but a drop; what we do not know is an ocean." Those with wisdom understand how much they still have to learn, so they dare not boast. Foolish people are complacent and stubborn, believing they are always right.

"Praise makes our soul grow larger, our ego smaller, and our blessings increase."

Practice praising others sincerely. When you see something good in someone, do not withhold your words. Interestingly, those with dark minds tend to focus on faults, while gentle and holy people easily see the goodness in others. Thus, if you find it difficult to praise anyone, recognize that your heart is still narrow.

Daily Practice: Repentance When the Mind Arises to Criticize

When we accidentally criticize someone, we should practice repentance and apologize. Even when the mere intention to criticize arises, we must recite the Buddha’s name and repent immediately. In the age of social media, each critical comment spreads widely, multiplying the negative karma created by thousands. On the other hand, spreading praise brings great blessings from merit. Therefore, let us choose praise and choose humility.

Do not live like the frog at the bottom of the well, imagining yourself to be superior. Open your heart, keep learning, and remember that life is short. If you know that praise builds the soul, offer sincere words to one another. Only then can we truly find happiness, light as dust, harmonizing with all beings.