Restraint: The Silent Merit Few Know About

Restraint does not merely help us avoid wrongdoing; it is also a profound, invisible form of merit. Let us explore the deep meaning of restraint through the teachings of Venerable Thich Chan Quang.

On the buses in Saigon, one line catches many people’s attention: “Restraint is the first step toward all that is good.” In truth, this is not just a slogan but a lesson of profound moral depth. During a dharma talk at Long Hung Pagoda during Vesak week, Venerable Thich Chan Quang dedicated an entire session to discussing the power of restraint. Have you ever wondered why we sometimes stop ourselves even when we deeply desire to do something? What happens within our mind/heart in those moments? And more importantly, what is the true value of that pause?

## What Is Restraint?

Restraint is not simply suppressing emotions. According to Venerable Chan Quang, restraint means stopping our hands from acting, refusing to fulfill a desire because we recognize that following it would lead to very bad consequences. Simply put, restraint is choosing not to do something our mind/heart desperately wants to do. When we see that an action will bring negative repercussions, we find the strength to conquer ourselves.

“Restraint means we stop our hands, we do not act, we do not fulfill a desire because we judge that if we followed that desire, it would lead to a very bad consequence,” says Venerable Thich Chan Quang.

For example, when someone invites us to gamble, we might feel excited and want to try our luck. But if we realize that losing money would harm our family’s livelihood and damage our reputation, we restrain ourselves and walk away. This is a manifestation of restraint. Similarly, when anger rises and we wish to strike someone, we know such actions invite disaster, so we hold back. Restraint also means rejecting a frivolous romance or refusing to indulge in luxury even when we have the means.

## Three Elements of True Restraint

Venerable Chan Quang points out that for genuine restraint to occur, three elements must be present in our mind/heart:

First, there is the desire itself. This could be a craving for play, enjoyment, speaking ill of others, or taking what belongs to them.

Second, there is wisdom. This is the recognition that fulfilling the desire will result in negative outcomes. This element marks maturity and distinguishes humans from animals.

Third, there is willpower. This is the inner strength to break the desire and refuse to yield to emotional impulses.

If any of these three elements is missing, we cannot call it true restraint. People often say, “If I want it, I do it,” but it is precisely the consideration of consequences that signals a mature soul. Some older individuals still act impulsively, while some young people already think before they act. Maturity here belongs to wisdom, not age.

## Restraint – Invisible Merit Recorded by Divine Beings

Many people believe that as long as they do not commit evil, they are free from sin, without realizing they are also accumulating blessings from merit. However, Venerable Chan Quang warns: every time we restrain ourselves from doing wrong, we may think nothing has happened, but in reality, this generates immense merit.

“It is precisely in those moments when we restrain ourselves from doing bad things that we think, ‘Ah, if I do good deeds, I get merit; if I don’t do evil, I have no sin.’ But having no sin does not mean having no merit. No one expects that restraining oneself from committing sins actually generates merit—a very invisible merit that we do not perceive,” explains Venerable Thich Chan Quang.

Actions like skipping a glass of wine, declining a gambling invitation, or overcoming a burst of anger—though unseen by others—are accumulated as blessings from merit. Divine beings know everything, and these acts are recorded in the “invisible ledger of merit” of our lives. These are silent victories that even we do not anticipate.

## Standards of Merit Differ Between Humans and Divine Beings

A crucial point Venerable Chan Quang emphasizes is that the standard of merit for humans differs entirely from that of divine beings. There are deeds we consider great merits, yet they are not accepted in heavenly realms. Conversely, quiet acts like restraint are recognized as true merit.

The teacher recounts the story of a nun who spent her life performing many charitable acts. Everyone assumed she would attain liberation after death. Surprisingly, she appeared in a dream to her disciples to reveal that she had not attained liberation because her merit did not meet the standards of the higher realms. Although praised by everyone in the human world, divine beings did not accept her offerings. Meanwhile, a small act of restraint, such as not speaking ill of anyone, though unknown to others, was recorded as great merit.

This should prompt us to examine ourselves. Do not become complacent because you have visited pagodas for years or chanted sutras frequently. If greed, hatred and delusion still reside in your heart, that merit may not be as substantial as you think. What we need is to train our mind/heart, gradually restraining bad desires, little by little each day.

## Practicing Restraint in Daily Life

So, how can we practice restraint? Venerable Chan Quang suggests starting with the smallest actions. When tempted to buy expensive items to keep up with appearances, think of your parents’ hardships, witness the struggles of the poor, and stop. When you wish to speak ill of someone, remember that gossip creates enmity and diminishes blessings from merit. When anger flares, consider the consequences of fighting: possible hospitalization or legal trouble. Each time we overcome a temptation, we accumulate an invisible victory.

Among the three elements of restraint, wisdom is the most important. Recognizing consequences is the foundation upon which willpower operates. Cultivate wisdom by studying the Buddha's teachings (Dharma), reflecting on cause and effect (karmic law), and always putting yourself in others’ shoes. When wisdom shines, we clearly see what to do and what to avoid, making restraint easier.

Every time we conquer greed, anger, or trivial desires, we achieve a silent victory. View restraint as a precious weapon on the path of cultivation. The more we practice restraint, the more we mature, and the more merit we accumulate. In this dharma talk, Venerable Chan Quang reminded us that “restraint is the first step toward all that is good”—and it is precisely these seemingly small acts that guide us toward enlightenment.