Lessons from Tissa: How to Let Go of Resentment

When we are insulted, we often blame others for our anger. But the Buddha taught that hatred only subsides when we let go. We must expand our hearts so that life’s collisions no longer shake us.

Have you ever heard someone say, "I am angry because he scolded me"? I have heard this many times. We justify our anger by pointing to the faults of others. However, the Buddha taught the exact opposite: a wise person does not allow another’s insult to become the reason for their own resentment. This dharma talk by Venerable Thich Chan Quang on the Dhammapada opens a new horizon on how we face hurt in life.

## A Story from the Past: The Cousin of the Buddha

In the Dhammapada, there is a very short verse that touches the core of our spiritual sickness. The story begins with a bhikkhu named Tissa, a relative of the Buddha. Tissa ordained after the age of fifty, carrying arrogance because he believed he was kin to the Buddha. He often dominated other monks, sitting in places of honor and refusing to show respect to those who had practiced longer.

One day, monks returning from afar saw Tissa sitting pompously among them, assuming he was an elder. When they learned he had only been ordained for a few months, they reminded him to be humble. Tissa became furious. He ran to the Buddha and complained, "They scolded me! They cursed me! They caused me suffering!" The Buddha said, "You were at fault; you must apologize." But Tissa refused. He walked away muttering, "Because they scolded me, I am allowed to be angry!"

The Buddha taught: "He abused me, he struck me, he overpowered me, he robbed me. Those who harbor such thoughts do not still their hatred."

The Buddha recounted that in a previous life, Tissa had behaved similarly. He would deliberately lie across a doorway so others would step on him, then complain to create conflict. That habit had changed names but remained unchanged. Here lies the lesson: if we let others disturb our peace, we remain forever slaves to insult.

## Three Levels of Reaction to Insult

Venerable Thich Chan Quang analyzes three psychological levels when facing insult.

The lowest level is when someone harms us, and we remember it forever, condemning them and holding onto resentment. Like a person who recalls being embarrassed at a funeral decades ago and still desires revenge. Such a person has very poor moral character.

The second level is forgetting entirely, no longer recalling the event. This is the level of a Buddhist practitioner. Yet forgetting is not easy. Some forget after a month, some after a week, and some after three days. But the highest achievement is to forget instantly.

The third level is remembering the past without anger, using wisdom to analyze the root cause and resolve it completely. This is the realm of the supreme practitioners, accessible only to those who can guide others.

The Buddha teaches us to forget. But if we still remember yet feel no anger, we are already wise. The challenge is that most of us are far from reaching this state.

## Why Is It Hard to Forget? The Vicious Cycle

Venerable Thich Chan Quang points out a psychological law: when insulted, our mind is shaken. This shock causes deep memory. Because we remember, we are shaken again. Thus, we are trapped in a vicious cycle: shock, memory, shock, memory. Consequently, trying to forget makes us remember more. There are things we wish to forget but cannot.

"When the mind is shaken, it is impressed. It remembers for a long time. And when we recall the insult, the mind is shaken again. As soon as it is shaken, it remembers the insult. This cycle increases our sorrow."

How do we break this cycle? We must prevent the mind from being shaken. But how can we avoid being shaken?

## The Secret to Unshakability: Expand Your Heart

Venerable Thich Chan Quang uses a vivid analogy: "If you are a large rock or a castle, a gust of wind or a small touch will not move you. But if you are an egg or a small pebble, one touch shatters you." So, are you a rock? The answer lies within your heart.

"If you are something large and heavy, the actions of others touching you will not cause disturbance."

How does the heart grow larger? Two essential qualities are key.

First, humility. Always see yourself as small, like a speck of dust in the world. The more you see yourself as small, the larger your heart becomes. Only those who say, "I am just a speck of dust," are truly great.

Second, compassion. Love all beings and creatures. When you love everyone, your mind naturally expands, even if you do not intend it. While walking, remind yourself: love the child, love the bird, love the tree. Compassion enlarges the heart.

"Humility makes the soul grow. Compassion makes the soul grow."

## Practice: Shortening the Time of Resentment

Now, ask yourself: In the past, how long did it take you to forget an insult? A day, a month, or years? Venerable Thich Chan Quang advises us to shorten this time until we forget instantly, holding nothing in our hearts. As the new year approaches, do not carry any resentment across the threshold.

"Remember, disciples of the Buddha must reach this level: forget instantly, leaving no anger behind."

Life is like a storm. If you are a castle, the storm is just a breeze. If you are a speck of dust, the storm can blow you away. Rely on the teachings to grow: humility, compassion, and wisdom. This is the path free from resentment.

Let each of us practice letting go before the new year. Let go of insults and accidental hurts. Let go so the heart is light as clouds, entering the new year with a smile. Remember the Buddha’s teaching: Hatred never ceases by hatred in this world. By non-hatred alone is hatred ceased. This is an eternal law.