Everyone Thinks They're Right – Why Is the 'Self' Our Most Dangerous Enemy?

This dharma talk by Venerable Thích Chân Quang warns about the disease of subjectivity – always believing we are right. Through stories from everyday life, we see that yielding to one another is a precious practice for living in peace and harmony.

Have you ever argued until the joy was gone, simply because someone else did not think the way you did? In the talk "Everyone Thinks They're Right," Venerable Thích Chân Quang opens with a very ordinary example: eating chili peppers. Someone who finds chili peppers delicious, whose eyes light up when eating them, becomes convinced they must be good. But when they hear that chili peppers may not be good for their health, they argue back fiercely, because they rely only on their own experience. It is a small matter, yet it reflects a very serious "illness": subjectivity.

Subjectivity – The Illness That Obscures the Truth

The Venerable defines it this way: "Subjectivity means looking at a problem only through the lens of your own opinion, without seeking further reference, without examining it again and again, without questioning back and forth to find the truth. Whatever you think, you immediately believe it must be right. That is called subjectivity."

The story of eating chili peppers is only a small example. But the illness of subjectivity causes people to differ in their views and ideas, and in fiercely defending their own opinions, they can even kill one another. The Venerable emphasizes:

"The illness of subjectivity is a very fundamental flaw of human beings. It obscures the truth."

The Most Dangerous Enemy Is Ourselves

In the talk, the Venerable recalls a saying regarded as a teaching of the Buddha: "The most dangerous enemy is yourself." Why? Because we always believe we are right. Everyone thinks they are right, and so the whole world argues and opposes one another. The Venerable tells a story: "People sitting in a car on the way to the temple were talking. One said our temple is the best in the world. Another said no, our temple is not the best – many other temples are even better. Such opinions are simple and nothing worth arguing over, yet defending them so fiercely that no one yields to anyone." It is precisely this subjectivity that leads to conflict, from the family to society, from quarrels to war.

The Venerable continues: "Who in this world is completely, absolutely right? The Buddha! Only the Buddha. Those who have not yet realized what the Buddha realized still have small errors. And as for people like us – how wrong are we? Wrong as far as the sky reaches and the earth fills." And yet at every moment we imagine we are right.

Mild or Severe? Subjectivity Comes in Many Degrees

Some people have a mild case: when they hear reasonable advice, they let go of their own thinking right away. Others have a severe case: stubbornly clinging, arguing to the bitter end, even resorting to fists and violence. The Venerable says: "For a person with a large ego and a mind hard to tame, sitting in meditation is torture. For a person with a small ego and a mind easy to tame, the time spent in meditation is a time of peace and happiness." Thus, a large ego makes us subjective, and makes our practice difficult.

If we know how to open our hearts and listen to the advice of friends and teachers, we will avoid much suffering. The Venerable affirms:

"If our illness of subjectivity is mild, we do not cling too tightly to our own opinions. When someone advises us with what is good and right, we know how to accept it and change our minds."

The Culture of East Asia – Yielding as a Way of Living

The Venerable compares Western and Eastern cultures. In the West, personal wishes are respected to such a degree that people would rather divorce than give up their own ideas. He tells of a couple who went to see a counselor; after hearing both of them out, the counselor suggested they simply accommodate each other a little: this week go to the gym, next week go to the theater. That way, the relationship endures. In East Asia, we learn to yield to one another from childhood, living according to order and hierarchy, and so our families remain harmonious and lasting. It is the same in Buddhism. The Venerable cites the words of three arahants in the sutras:

"I do not live by my own mind/heart; I live by the mind/heart of my brothers in the Dharma."

That is the teaching of Buddhism: to live for others, to yield so that nothing breaks apart. When we enter the path, from the very first day we practice yielding. If everyone stubbornly holds to their own ideas, the practice community falls apart. Because we know how to yield, the community endures and the family lives in peace and joy.

Learning to Open Our Hearts to Find the Truth

Finally, the Venerable advises: whenever we are about to open our mouths to argue with someone, let us suddenly remember today's talk and ask ourselves, "Am I being subjective right now?" Let us take a step back, listen to others, especially those who know more. Admitting we are wrong is not defeat – it is an opportunity to grow. As the Venerable reminded us: "The most dangerous enemy is yourself." So let us make friends with ourselves by opening our hearts, living by the mind/heart of others, and practicing yielding each day. That is truly the path that leads us to lasting peace.