The Suffering of a Young Woman and the Lesson on Happiness

One afternoon, I sat in my small living room as pale golden sunlight filtered through the window. Before me sat a young woman with red-rimmed eyes and tightly pressed lips, struggling to hold back her emotions. After a long silence, she spoke, her voice choked with tears. She told me that her life was full of misfortune, claiming that all the suffering in the world seemed reserved for her alone.

I looked at her without rushing to answer. I knew she was exaggerating, for no one can bear every sorrow in the world. Yet, I understood that deep feelings of inadequacy and disappointment had led her to speak such words. I asked gently if she would still want to live if there were truly no hope left in her life. She looked up, surprised, but I saw a faint light remaining in her eyes. The fact that she was still alive, striving and fighting, proved that deep down, she believed happiness was possible. This is the universal human condition: we live to seek happiness.

I slowly explained to her that happiness consists of two elements: external objects and internal feelings. I gave the example of a delicious bowl of rice. For a hungry person, it is happiness; for someone already full, it becomes a burden. Similarly, a grand house is a dream for those living in leaking huts, yet for those weary of luxury, they may crave a simple straw roof by the river. The young woman listened intently, her furrowed brow gradually relaxing.

She hesitated, saying she still felt only pain and no joy in her life. My voice grew low as I asked if she realized that the very pleasures she sought were the starting point of her suffering. Her eyes widened in surprise. I shared the story of an alcoholic father who squandered his family’s money on drinking and abused his wife and children. His wife left, and his teenage daughter was forced to sell goods to support her siblings, eventually fleeing home and facing harm from others. All this stemmed from the father’s extreme selfishness, caring only for the pleasure of his drink while ignoring his loved ones.

I pointed out that any form of indulgence makes people selfish. Those addicted to alcohol, gambling, or drugs become intensely self-centered, willing to harm others to satisfy their cravings. Selfishness is the root of suffering, and worldly pleasures are what nourish it. Even love and marriage, often seen as sources of happiness, can breed jealousy and lead to violence or cruelty. Happiness has a shadow side, which is suffering.

Tears rolled down the young woman’s cheeks. Trembling, she asked what she should do, for she no longer wished to live in pain. I smiled warmly and told her that true happiness does not lie in external pleasures but in inner feelings. If she learned to live for others, bringing them joy—like a doctor finding happiness in curing a patient—that would be lasting contentment. Chasing worldly sensations only increases selfishness and suffering.

She wiped her tears, her eyes growing brighter as she grasped this truth. From that day on, she stopped complaining. She began to slow down, appreciate small things, and care for those around her. She no longer sought happiness outside herself but found it within her own mind/heart. Her life transformed; she became a calm woman who gave and received joy from simple things, understanding that happiness is cultivated from within, not hunted externally.

The Meaning of the Story

Happiness resides not in external pleasures but in our inner feelings. If we chase worldly sensations, we become increasingly selfish, and selfishness is the source of suffering. To find true happiness, we must live altruistically, bring joy to others, and discover peace within our own minds/hearts.

Compiled from a dharma talk by Most Venerable Thich Chan Quang