The Mother Who Still Returns

Late at night, the house was so quiet it sent chills down one’s spine. Mrs. Hoa had passed away four weeks earlier from cancer. The funeral was over, yet since then, her spirit had repeatedly appeared to the family. Sometimes she paced back and forth in the living room; other times she opened the door and stepped inside; still other times she sat drinking water just as she did when alive. The young grandchild would scream and point toward his grandmother’s bedroom instead of the altar. The thirty-year-old son fainted every time he saw her.

Everyone in the family lived in fear, unable to stay home alone. They had taken her remains to the temple for prayers to help her cross over, but there was no result. She continued to appear, walking through the house, making the atmosphere increasingly tense.

During a dharma talk, a member of the family shared this experience and asked Venerable Thich Chan Quang:

“Venerable sir, my mother has passed away, yet she keeps appearing. Everyone in our family is afraid. We have performed rituals for her crossing over, but nothing changes. What should we do?”

The teacher listened carefully, then explained gently:

“Usually, it is very difficult for the deceased to manifest visibly to others. To appear, one must possess immense mental power. There are several reasons why such power might be strong: perhaps the person was resolute, diligent in doing good deeds, or died amidst suffering, resentment, or hatred.”

He paused, looking directly at the questioner.

“Your mother may feel deep sorrow for her children and grandchildren, or perhaps there is something unresolved that she could not express. Maybe she hid gold without telling anyone, or she still clings tightly to her family. Her mind is powerful, so she continues to come and go.”

The anxious son asked:

“So what must we do to help our mother achieve liberation, Venerable sir?”

The teacher advised:

“You must make many offerings and ask virtuous monks to pray so that she feels reassured about going to the temple to practice. If she refuses to stay where her memorial tablet is placed, if she is dissatisfied and prefers returning home, you must understand that the realms of the living and the dead are separated. One who has died should not cling any longer. You must encourage her to return to the temple to cultivate.”

He emphasized:

“The separation between the living and the dead is a natural law. Yesterday we loved each other; today, after death, we naturally feel fear. Therefore, you must rely on virtuous practitioners to pray and advise her to practice letting go, to cultivate, so that she may attain liberation.”

After the dharma talk, the family followed the teacher’s advice. They invited virtuous monks to chant sutras and perform rituals for her crossing over multiple times, sincerely praying that she would return to the temple to practice. Gradually, the strange phenomena ceased, and peace returned to the household.

The Meaning of the Story

When a loved one passes away, instead of reacting with fear, we should understand that they may still be attached to certain matters. Let us sincerely perform rituals for their crossing over, dedicate merit through good deeds, and encourage them to practice letting go so they may find liberation. Sincerity and compassion will bring peace to both the living and the departed.

Compiled from the dharma talk of Venerable Thich Chan Quang