A Father Who Loves His Child with Wisdom

This story contrasts two different ways of loving a child. One father indulges his son completely, causing the boy to exhaust his blessings from merit too early. The other father understands the law of cause and effect (karmic law) and teaches his child to create merit from a young age.

One afternoon, in a small house on the outskirts of the city, Mr. Tuan sat before his tea table, turning an old mobile phone over in his hands. His eighteen-year-old son had just returned from school, throwing his backpack onto a chair while grumbling aloud.

“Dad, I heard my friends are going to Singapore for a trip. When will our family have enough money for me to go?”

Mr. Tuan sighed deeply. He was a factory worker who had lost his wife early, raising their son alone. For years, he had saved every penny, hoping only that his child would live more comfortably than he had. He remembered telling his neighbors when his son was still small:

“I can endure hardship all my life, as long as this boy does not suffer like I did.”

And he had kept that promise. Whatever his son wanted, Mr. Tuan tried to provide it. From electric bicycles and smartphones to luxurious vacations, he worked overtime, often returning home late at night, just so his son would have spending money. But eventually, what was destined came to pass. When his son turned eighteen, Mr. Tuan’s company went bankrupt, leaving him unemployed. Meanwhile, his son’s grades plummeted; he failed to enter university and refused to find work. He simply sat at home playing games on his phone, snapping angrily at his father.

One day, Mr. Tuan met his old friend Hung, a devoted Buddhist practitioner. As they drank tea together, Mr. Tuan lamented:

“I loved him with all my heart, yet he has become spoiled. I worked tirelessly, pouring everything into him, but now he is worthless. Is it because I lived such a difficult life that he suffers along with me?”

Hung shook his head and spoke slowly. “You love your child without understanding the law of cause and effect (karmic law). You keep piling up blessings from merit for him to enjoy. Once he exhausts those blessings, he deteriorates. You must teach him how to create merit, how to care for others, and how to help people. Only then can he live well for the long term.”

Hearing this, Mr. Tuan felt as though a knot in his heart had been untied. He realized that over the years, he had never taught his son to do good deeds or shown him the hardships faced by others. He had only given money and encouraged consumption. Looking at his son, he suddenly understood that he had inadvertently harmed him.

From that day forward, Mr. Tuan changed his approach. He began sharing stories about impoverished people and unfortunate circumstances. He suggested they participate in charitable activities together. At first, his son was shy, but gradually, his heart opened up. Each month, father and son would pack gifts for elderly people living alone in their neighborhood. Mr. Tuan saw his son changing daily. He became less irritable, showed concern for his father, and started seeking part-time jobs to support the family.

A year later, Mr. Tuan secured a new job. His son passed the entrance exam for a vocational school and found stable employment. Watching his son diligently perform acts of kindness, Mr. Tuan smiled and thought to himself: “So, loving a child correctly means teaching them to create merit, not just letting them consume existing blessings.”

The Meaning of the Story

It is natural for parents to love their children, but loving them without understanding the law of cause and effect (karmic law) can unintentionally harm them. Wise parents know how to teach their children to create merit, helping them plant good causes to reap good results in the long run, rather than merely allowing them to enjoy current blessings. This is the love of a bodhisattva: compassion guided by wisdom, rooted in the law of cause and effect (karmic law).

Compiled from a dharma talk by Venerable Thich Chan Quang