The Only Child of China and the Lesson in Forbearance

**Summary:** The one-child policy led to children being so adored that none would ever scold them, which damaged their character. We need both love and criticism to grow.

In a Chinese village one misty morning, a mother stood by the courtyard, her posture bent as she held a bowl of warm water. Her gaze followed her only son as he sat playing. A cold breeze rustled through the trees, yet her heart was warm, for this boy was her family's everything after years of waiting.

The government, fearing rapid population growth and subsequent economic and environmental crises, decreed that each family could have only one child. Many families chose to have a son, pouring all their love into that single child. As the years passed, the child grew up wrapped in protection, never knowing a harsh word from anyone outside his doting parents.

One day, the father brought home a new toy, placed it before his son, and smiled: "You must be thirsty. Your mother and I will bring you water to drink. You liked this toy, so we worked to buy it for you."

The child threw the toy down and shouted: "I don't like it! I want something else!"

The mother quickly tried to comfort him, without a single word of reproach. No one ever disliked him; no one ever criticized him. Day by day, his sense of self swelled like a balloon that never deflates. At school, when his teacher disciplined him, he punched a classmate: "I'm an only child! I get whatever I want!"

The teacher shook his head and called the parents: "The child has a personality disorder and cannot adapt to society."

The turning point came when, as a young man, he applied for a job. His boss scolded him once, and he immediately quit, crying: "How dare you yell at me? No one at home ever does!"

The door to his pride closed tightly, and he could not move forward. His family realized: with only love and no dislike, the child's character was ruined.

A Dharma teacher far away, upon hearing this story, looked up and laughed. He said to his disciples: "I seek out insults to practice patience. If your brothers and sisters dislike you, be glad—for that is a gift."

From then on, parents in the region learned from this. They let their children argue, be scolded, and practice endurance. These children grew up knowing humility, no longer exploding at a word of criticism.

**The Meaning of the Story**

We need love to feel warm, but we also greatly need those who dislike us to practice forbearance, to maintain our integrity, and to cultivate humility. Lacking either side, we become stuck and our character deteriorates. Only the Buddha Shakyamuni received the utmost love without being corrupted. For us, we need both favorable and adverse conditions to walk the middle way and progress forward.

Compiled from a Dharma talk by Venerable Thích Chân Quang.