The Trap of Criticism and the Bicycle

The living room mirror reflected Hoa’s tense face. Her eyes were red, not from sleepiness, but from an obsession that had lasted for three months. It all began on a scorching afternoon when she met her neighbor, Mrs Tu, watering plants.

"Oh my, why do you look so old lately? Your skin is wrinkled, and you seem so tired. You should go to Cat Tuong Beauty Salon for some treatments, or your husband and children will criticize you."

That sentence was as light as a breeze, yet it cut deep into Hoa’s pride. From then on, every time she looked in the mirror, she only saw wrinkles and dark spots she had never noticed before. The fear of aging, the fear of criticism, and the fear of losing her attractiveness consumed her mind. She began saving every penny and borrowing money to pay for expensive filler injections and laser treatments. Money flew away, but joy did not appear. Instead, constant anxiety remained, wondering if her skin was white enough and smooth enough to avoid further criticism.

In a similar situation, though in a different aspect, was the story of Mai and her daughter. Mai’s daughter was twenty-eight years old, beautiful, and capable, yet still unmarried. Every time Mai went to the market, she heard whispers.

"Your daughter is grown up, why hasn’t she married yet? If she waits too long, she will become an old maid. Hurry up and find a husband so the family can have peace."

The judgment of the crowd made Mai tremble. She feared being labeled a mother who failed to raise her child properly. She feared her daughter would be lonely, and she feared the pitying looks of others. This pressure caused Mai to rush through matchmaking, forcing her daughter to meet anyone without proper understanding. Once, Mai urged her daughter:

"Forget it, just endure it, my child. Marry someone quickly so people stop talking. Being an old maid brings shame upon me."

Her daughter, a young practitioner of the Dharma, looked at her mother with eyes full of compassion and resolve.

"Mother, marriage is a lifetime commitment. How can one marry hastily? My friends are fellow practitioners, and they also do not feel the need to marry soon. I am not afraid of remaining single; I am only afraid of choosing the wrong person and suffering for life. Please do not let other people’s words control our lives."

But Mai did not listen. She continued to scramble, trying every way to "marry off" her daughter to end the matter. As a result, the daughter eventually married an unsuitable man who was violent and addicted to gambling. Their married life became a hell, and Mai regretted it too late. She realized that the fault lay not in her daughter being single, but in her own excessive fear of public opinion. She allowed that fear to become an enemy that destroyed her daughter’s true happiness.

In another turn of events, Tuan, a middle-aged man, fell into a similar trap. He worked as a bicycle repairman, earning just enough to live. One day, he heard rumors that everyone around him was buying cars. The gossip about "not measuring up to others" kept Tuan awake at night. He borrowed from the bank and sold his land to buy a car on installment, solely to save face. From then on, the burden of debt weighed heavily on his shoulders. He worked himself to exhaustion, neglected his family, and his health declined. He forgot that if he were truly free, when asked, "Why don’t you buy a car?" he could smile and reply, "I like riding a bicycle. It exercises my body and lets me enjoy the streets. There is nothing to fear."

These stories show that a single remark from others, costing less than half a drop of saliva, can make us spend immense effort, money, and even happiness. We are controlled by the weaknesses within our own minds.

The Meaning of the Story

Venerable Thich Chan Quang points out that until one attains the stage of Non-Returner (Anagami), humans always harbor hidden fears: fear of aging, fear of remaining single, fear of poverty, and fear of inferiority. These fears are the weak points that allow others to manipulate us. Even a trivial criticism can drive us into meaningless races, wasting assets and losing inner peace. The lesson is to filter out these petty fears, live with clarity, and not let public opinion dominate us. When we no longer fear criticism or inferiority, we will find true freedom and happiness, much like a noble one who has no fear of anything.

Compiled from the dharma talk of Venerable Thich Chan Quang