Why Is 'Romantic Charm' a Calamity? - The Buddha's Warning

Would you believe that a man could be loved by many women, and that this very thing could become the source of unforeseen calamities? Listen to the story below — a story the Buddha taught more than two thousand five hundred years ago through a profound verse.

The Story of Khima: A Wealthy Young Man and Excessive Romantic Charm

The scriptures tell of Khima, the nephew of Anathapindika, a wealthy and wise lay disciple of the Buddha's time. Khima was very rich, and this drew the attention of many women. But he had a serious flaw: he was consumed by lust. He engaged in reckless affairs with women, so much so that he was caught and brought before the courts many times, only to be released each time thanks to his uncle's influence. Yet the more he was released, the more he returned to his old ways, until Anathapindika, deeply troubled, asked the Buddha to teach him.

The Buddha rebuked Khima with a verse from the Dhammapada, speaking of the four calamities that befall the unrestrained: sleepless eyes, a tainted reputation, descent into hell, and falling into the lower realms. But what is more fascinating is that the Buddha also revealed a deep cause from a past life.

A Prayer of Old: Where Did the "Blessing" and the "Romantic Charm" Come From?

In the time of Buddha Kassapa, a person made merit by making offerings to a stupa of the Buddha. But instead of praying for lofty and pure fruits, this person asked, "May every woman who sees me love me." A blessing is merit, but it responds according to our aspirations. The Buddha taught:

"A blessing is something that helps us attain our heart's desire. When we make merit and direct it toward something, it becomes that very thing."

And so that prayer to be "loved" became the karmic fruit of romantic charm in Khima's present life. But the striking thing is that this karmic fruit was precisely the calamity. Merit is formless, with no place to store it, yet it has the power to turn dreams into reality. If we pray for something wholesome, we receive a wholesome fruit. If we pray for something unwholesome, we receive that fruit — but misfortune follows close behind.

Cause and Effect (Karmic Law): Both Inevitable and Coincidental

Many people believe that every meeting is the result of karmic debts from past lives. Master Thich Chan Quang teaches that this is not necessarily so: cause and effect (karmic law) is both inevitable and coincidental. Imagine a young man who flirts with every beautiful girl he sees, and a girl who readily welcomes affection. When they meet, they cling to each other at once — no past life required. It is coincidence, yet also the inevitability of two minds and hearts inclined toward each other.

If in that hasty romance they treat each other kindly and part with deep reluctance, the karmic bond may carry over into future lives. But if they discover each other to be shallow and fickle, the bond is severed immediately. Cause and effect (karmic law) is not a rigid formula.

"When the bond carries into future lives like this — for example, the first time they loved each other, they treated each other with such kindness that they kept clinging and clinging, and later it echoed on."

The Cause and Effect of Habit and Social Mechanisms

Master Thich Chan Quang offers the example of the male goat: within a herd, it mates with a dozen females — among animals, this is perfectly natural. But when goats become human beings, that same behavior is judged morally. The habit persists, but in the human world it becomes a trap.

Or consider the image of a feudal king with his three palaces and six courts. The social mechanism of the time allowed him satisfaction, and so he formed a lustful mind. In a later life, when power and privilege were gone, the habit remained — but society no longer permitted it. Then it brought only calamity: restlessness, a tainted reputation, punishment by law.

"For example, a husband and wife where the husband has too many blessings from merit and the wife too few — suddenly the husband feels that this one wife is not enough for him."

This saying makes us reflect on the fragility within marriage. No family remains peaceful forever. When blessings from merit are out of balance, or when the lustful mind still lingers, true peace is hard to find.

The Profound Lesson: Uproot the Lustful Mind to Live in Peace

The Buddha rebuked Khima not only for his own sake, but because he clearly saw the calamity of a heart chasing romantic charm. When a person keeps chasing the pleasures of the eye, they lose their own inner peace. The four calamities — sleepless eyes, a tainted reputation, descent into hell, and falling into the lower realms — all arise from a habit that seems harmless: the endless desire to conquer and to be loved.

So the lesson for us today is to keep the mind pure, and not let shallow romantic allurements seduce us. See them instead as opportunities for practice — a chance to turn inward and find joy in tranquility and in true blessings from merit.

Perhaps you have heard "romantic charm" spoken of as a compliment to someone's allure. But to the Buddha, it is a warning. Practice contemplative meditation, keep the precepts, and do not rush after fleeting, illusory moments. Only when we know contentment can we live in true joy.

Please apply this teaching in your own life: begin by keeping the mind pure in the face of dazzling appearances, and discover happiness that arises from within.