Why Do We Argue? A Story from a Small Bathtub That Shook Heaven and Earth

From a single drop of leftover water, monks divided into factions and forgot the teachings of the Buddha. This lesson on conflict and death helps us awaken on the path of practice. Have you ever argued explosively over something as small as a speck of dust? Have you seen a matter that could have been resolved with one sentence turn into an endless war? The Buddha witnessed such a situation, recorded in the Dhammapada Sutra. Today, we learn from the third verse, uncovering a profound lesson on argument and impermanence (anicca).

A Small Incident in the Bathroom Becomes a Sea of Fire

The story took place at the Kosambi monastery, home to two groups of bhikkhus: one group of dharma teachers who taught doctrine, and another group of vinaya masters who specialized in monastic rules. One day, a dharma teacher finished bathing but left some water in the basin without cleaning it up. A vinaya master entered, saw this, and pointed out the fault. The dharma teacher humbly admitted his mistake and performed repentance. It seemed the matter was settled, but the vinaya master told his disciples about it. Rumors spread: "The dharma teacher broke the rule but refused to admit it." Hearing this, the dharma teacher became upset and said, "I already admitted my fault; why do they say I did not?" Both sides began defending their teachers, and soon the entire monastery split into two factions, arguing fiercely.

It did not stop there. Laypeople also divided into two camps, some supporting one side and others the other. Even the devas in heaven split into factions, refusing to yield. When the Buddha heard the news, he came to advise them:

"Bhikkhus, please be harmonious, unite, and stop arguing."

But the bhikkhus did not listen. For the second time, the Buddha visited, and they replied:

"Venerable Sir, you are old. Please focus on your own practice and let us handle this ourselves."

The Buddha advised them three times, but no one listened. He shook his head, left for another place, and did not return to the monastery.

When Death Approaches, Arguments Become a Joke

After the Buddha departed, angry laypeople cut off all offerings. During the three-month rains retreat, the bhikkhus could not go for alms and nearly starved to death. In their hunger and thirst, they realized they had argued over meaningless things. They regretted their actions, apologized to each other, and sought out the Buddha for repentance. Witnessing their sincerity, the Buddha taught this verse:

"We argue over winning and losing because we forget that everyone dies. If we knew death was waiting, why would we bother arguing?"

This lesson is profound. The instinct for survival awakened them. They realized that when death is near, who is right or wrong no longer matters. The Buddha wants us to remember:

Impermanence (anicca) is the truth awaiting each of us. Everyone will eventually die. If we remember this, all victories and defeats become small, not worth burning our souls over.

The Buddha Did Not Punish; He Simply Left Quietly

In this story, we see a special point: the Buddha did not use authority to punish the bhikkhus. He did not possess "religious power" like leaders of other faiths. The Buddha only taught, advised, and then allowed cause and effect (karmic law) to operate naturally. When his disciples did not listen, he quietly left, leaving them a lesson on impermanence (anicca) and the cost of conflict. Venerable Thich Chan Quang emphasized:

"In Buddhism, there is no religious authority. Listen if you wish; ignore if you choose. The law of cause and effect will judge."

This is a major difference between Buddhism and other paths. Because there is no coercion, our mind/heart must see its faults and correct itself. Thus, practice arises from self-awareness, not from fear.

Harmony Like Water and Milk – Lessons from Three Noble Ones

While the bhikkhus at Kosambi were divided, the Buddha went to a forest where three noble ones—Kimila, Anuruddha, and Nandiya—were living. He asked how they lived in harmony. They answered:

"Venerable Sir, we live together in harmony like water and milk. We do not wait to be reminded; whoever wakes first takes care of the chores. After returning from alms rounds, we save food for our brothers. We live according to the spirit of brotherhood, not our own personal desires."

The Buddha praised them and confirmed that anyone hearing their names would receive great blessings from merit and peace. The harmony of these three Arhats was like water and milk: never separating. Why? Because they had practiced letting go of the ego, having no "self" to protect. When there is no ego, all conflicts dissolve.

Practice Starting Today

The story of Kosambi is not just history. It continues in our lives today. Every time a family member leaves a dish half-eaten, or someone criticizes us, we get angry and argue. We forget that we are on a short journey. We argue, hurt each other, and waste our own blessings from merit through our speech. Venerable Thich Chan Quang reminds us:

"This mouth is peculiar. Seeing others' faults and refusing to stay silent causes so much trouble."

So, let us begin today by learning silence. When we see someone make a mistake, instead of spreading rumors or criticizing, silently pray for their errors to cease. In any argument, remember the Buddha's words: "If we knew death was waiting, why would we bother arguing?" Let death be the teacher that reminds us to love and to yield.

Each passing day brings us closer to death. Do not let trivial matters steal the peace from your soul. Live with compassion and let go of winning and losing. May our lives be like water and milk, blended in love and understanding.