A Teacher's Worry: Why the One Who Practices Correctly Is the One Who Worries Deeply

On New Year's Eve, the cold wind sweeps in. Buddhists still choose the temple as their place of gathering, leaving behind family feasts and fireworks. They come here for a different kind of love – the love of the Dharma. Yet in that very sacred moment, the teacher standing at the dharma podium does not smile with serenity. His eyes are filled with worry. And today's dharma talk begins from that very worry.

Why does the one who practices worry so deeply?

We often think that those who practice the spiritual life must be carefree and without worry. But the teacher says that the longer one practices, the more one realizes that the one who practices correctly in the Buddha's teachings (Dharma) is the one who worries deeply – one who carries great concern. It is not worry over fame, profit, or career, but worry over the very path one is walking, worry over one's own practice and the practice of those around us.

"If one day everyone sees the teacher's eyes as serene as drifting clouds and gentle wind, then the teacher has gone astray in practice."

The teacher says that only those who practice wrongly are carefree, worrying about nothing. The one who practices correctly must face death each day, face impermanence (anicca), face cause and effect (karmic law). And so they prepare for a new life, not merely a new year. They worry about being worthy of the trust of Buddhists, worry about failing those who have placed their complete faith in them.

The truth about happiness: To love and to be loved

In life, the greatest joy is to be loved and to have someone to love. The teacher shares that when we love someone and are loved in return, that is happiness. But this worldly love is often limited and entangled. The love of the Dharma, however – where people who share no blood ties, who are not family, meet and love one another through the truth of the teachings, through unconditional compassion – that is a true and lasting happiness.

This is why so many people have given up family feasts and worldly celebrations to return to the temple for the New Year. They seek a different kind of happiness, one that is more peaceful and more noble. And they find it here, in a community that loves one another without any conditions.

Preparing for a new life: Not just the new year

People of the world worry about preparing for the new year – cleaning their homes, paying debts, shopping, exchanging greetings. But a disciple of the Buddha must worry about preparing for a new life. The teacher emphasizes that to prepare for the next life, we need to sow good seeds according to cause and effect (karmic law).

One important sign of a person who truly practices is a heart that is constantly urged and yearning to create blessings from merit. Even a kind word, a compliment, or a comment on Facebook can plant a wholesome thought in another person – all of this is merit. Conversely, speaking wrongly and acting badly is sowing wrongdoing. The teacher says:

"Anyone whose heart has not yet been urged, has not yet yearned to create blessings from merit, has not yet understood the teachings deeply enough."

The next step, a higher one, is avoiding mistakes. A practitioner who reaches this stage is always watchful, observing their own mind/heart so as not to commit even the smallest errors. When we find ourselves constantly careful and afraid of making mistakes, that is when we have taken the second step on the spiritual path.

The worry of a teacher: Being worthy of trust

The teacher shares that when he sees Buddhists filling the temple on holy days, when he sees them placing their trust and reverence in him, he does not feel glad – he feels even more worried. Worried because he does not know whether he is worthy of such respect. Worried about whether the merit that Buddhists receive from placing their trust in him is great enough. The teacher says:

"Can I ever repay the kindness of everyone? This is my greatest worry."

That worry has troubled him his whole life, not just for a moment. He also worries about his monastic disciples – those who have left their families to follow him and study the practice. Will his teaching lead them to attain the way, to become teachers who continue the lineage of the Buddha's teachings (Dharma)? This worry means his heart has never truly been at ease or carefree.

Conclusion

The worry of one who practices is not negative anxiety. It is a worry imbued with wisdom and virtue, a responsibility to oneself and to all sentient beings. When we know to worry about our spiritual practice, about creating blessings from merit, about avoiding mistakes, that is when we are growing on the path. Let that worry urge us to turn inward and reflect, to practice more, and to never cease yearning to create blessings from merit – so that we may be worthy of the trust of all those with whom we live and whom we love.