Unexplained Sorrow and the Blade at the Throat: A Lesson in Enlightenment from a Bhikkhu

Have you ever felt a deep sadness without knowing why? Some pains seem to follow us for a long time, as if they do not belong to this current life. The story below opens an astonishing perspective on the wonder of the mind/heart and the path of practice.

### An Unexplained Sorrow

The bhikkhu Sapadasa ordained with a serious ethical life, keeping the precepts purely. Yet, he always carried a strange, suppressed sorrow within him. This sadness had no clear cause, leading him to attempt suicide many times. One day, when he placed a blade against his throat to end his life, his entire body suddenly entered meditative concentration. In that very moment, he attained the fruit of Arhatship.

The Buddha explained that Sapadasa had practiced meditation for twenty thousand years prior. Although he carried such psychological burdens, he was extremely diligent. Because of twenty thousand years of persistent meditative concentration, the result was ripe. Thus, merely placing the blade was enough to attain enlightenment.

It turned out that the death he sought became the beginning of eternal life. His extreme sorrow was resolved by an incredibly subtle condition (dependent origination).

### Psychological Patterns Repeated Across Lifetimes

The Buddha taught that human psychology can repeat across lifetimes. If you were generous and courageous in a past life, you are likely to be so in this one. Conversely, if you were selfish and petty, those tendencies will push you downward. Some people who were once wealthy humans failed to transform their negative minds. After countless eons, they became ants crawling on the floor.

If we have bad psychological patterns that repeat over many lifetimes, they drag our lives down. Our karma is pushed so low that it becomes immeasurable. Therefore, we must carefully examine our own souls. When we notice bad tendencies like shyness, selfishness, or jealousy, we should immediately kneel before the Buddha for repentance and vow to transform them. These sincere vows stop the cycle of karmic repetition.

### Cause and Effect (Karmic Law) of Sadness and Kindness

Psychology is formed not only by repetition but also by cause and effect (karmic law). Consider a man standing on a bridge, intending to commit suicide because he found life boring. Suddenly, he saw a mother jumping into the river with her child. Forgetting his own sadness, he rushed down to save them. Once he brought them safely to shore, he realized life was no longer boring. The act of saving others erased all his desire for death.

When you encourage just five people, your own sadness may vanish instantly. That is cause and effect (karmic law). In your next life, you will be a happy, optimistic person free from boredom and despair.

Conversely, some people live "carefree" but are actually insensitive, causing anxiety in others. In future lives, they will experience states of worry and panic. Thus, be cautious with every thought and action, for they are seeds planted for the future.

### Do Not Sow Limited Causes Seeking Infinite Results

Another important lesson is never to set limits on spiritual practice. Some vow to practice only in this lifetime to attain enlightenment. However, if their merit requires three hundred years, they will forget to practice after one life. That merit turns into worldly wisdom, leading them to become officials or teachers, eventually losing the conditions (dependent origination) for spiritual practice entirely.

We must sow infinite causes to achieve infinite results. Only when we possess this mindset are we true disciples of the Buddha. Therefore, vow to practice forever without limit, without calculating time. Just maintain steady, persistent diligence without laziness. The fruit of enlightenment will arrive naturally, like flowers blooming in their season.

### A Few Minutes of Wholehearted Living Are Better Than a Hundred Years of Laziness

The Buddha taught: "Whoever lives one hundred years lazy and undiligent is not equal to whoever lives one day wholeheartedly in the Dharma." The value of life lies not in the number of years, but in sincerity and diligence in each moment. Sapadasa practiced for twenty thousand years, yet needed only one moment of perfect mindfulness to touch the peak of liberation.

Look back at your soul today. What tendencies are repeating? Are you nurturing good or bad seeds? Are you ready to walk the path of practice without limits or calculation? Take a minute to kneel before the Buddha and make a sincere vow. Let each day be a day lived wholeheartedly in the Dharma. For even one such short day is more worthy than a hundred years lived in delusion.