Do Not Trust Your Heart – A Warning from a Karmic Love

Have you ever met someone and felt a resonance as if you had known them for many lifetimes? Has your heart ever whispered that this person is your destiny, only for you to commit fully and receive nothing but suffering in return? During a dharma talk on the Dhammapada, Venerable Thich Chan Quang shared the story of a young bhikkhu. This tale startled me regarding what we commonly call love.

## The Bond of Karma in Reunited Love

A young bhikkhu went out for alms and arrived at a woman’s home. She made offerings and invited him to visit daily for convenience. He accepted, returning each day. In their free time, they sat and talked. Gradually, he became distracted and bewildered, unable to maintain his meditative concentration. His fellow monks reported this to their teacher, who then brought him before the Buddha. The Buddha revealed that this woman was his wife in a previous life, one who had betrayed him and handed a knife to a robber to kill her own husband.

The Buddha said, “The woman toward whom you are developing attachment was once a wife who betrayed you in a past life.”

Thus, we see that these vibrations, which seem like love, may merely be the binding ropes of old karma, causing us confusion and leading us astray within samsara (cycle of rebirth).

## Love Is Also a Type of Addiction

When we feel attraction toward someone, we gradually become swept away by sensation. Each meeting and each word acts like a small dose of medicine that numbs our reason. Venerable Thich Chan Quang compared love to an addictive substance.

He stated, “Love is also a type of addiction, similar to drugs, video games, or gambling.”

What is addiction? It is the constant desire for more, the need to possess, and the suffering that arises when it is absent. Those addicted to romance are just like those addicted to cigarettes or alcohol. Some say, “I can leave my spouse, but I cannot quit smoking.” Yet in reality, if they lose this partner, they will simply seek another. The essence is craving, not true love.

The Buddha taught this verse:

“Evil thoughts disturb the mind; sensual pleasures intoxicate. The strong rope of craving tightens its grip deeper. One who dwells in inner peace, contemplating impurity with mindfulness, unties the rope of craving and escapes the bondage of afflictions (kleshas).”

The more we entangle ourselves in sensual pleasure, the tighter we are bound. Those who wisely contemplate the impermanence and impurity of body and mind, maintaining mindfulness, can untie the knot of craving and escape these shackles.

## Emotion, Intuition, and Faith – Three Confusing Traps

In life, we often confuse feelings that arise from the heart. Princess Diana advised her sons, “Trust your heart, and you will not make mistakes.” Yet in truth, she spent her life making errors.

Venerable Thich Chan Quang analyzed that the heart, emotion, intuition, and faith are easily mixed up. Intuition is direct insight, which can be correct; emotion is prone to error; and faith is merely acceptance without thorough examination. We must distinguish these clearly so we are not blindly led by the mind/heart.

Emotion is unstable, impulsive, and driven by fleeting feelings. Intuition is direct insight, which may be accurate but is often mistaken for mere emotion. Faith is acceptance without full rational explanation, and it is not necessarily ultimate truth.

The teacher said, “I dislike blind faith. For me, everything must be examined through reason, even matters of religion and spirituality. To believe means we have not yet explained anything fully. We accept things only because we lack complete understanding.”

As disciples of the Buddha, we must use reasoned faith, not blind belief. In practice, we trust the Buddha's teachings (Dharma) because we have verified them through doctrine and personal experience, not because we are coerced.

## The Fragility of Love Under the Lens of Cause and Effect (Karmic Law)

Venerable Thich Chan Quang shared that among one hundred people who fall in love, one hundred and one betray each other. This is not an exaggeration, for across countless lives, we have been spouses to innumerable beings. Therefore, the affection that arises upon reunion is merely a trace of old karma.

He noted, “The worldly feeling of love is extremely fragile. There is nothing truly solid or lasting.”

Furthermore, people usually love each other’s physical form and personality. But the body ages and changes; personality shifts as well. Someone once asked, “I do not understand why he left me; he was such a good man.” The teacher replied, “When in love, everyone appears good. Only after marriage does the truth emerge.”

Consider the story of a bricklayer who pretended to be wealthy to court a gold shop owner’s daughter. Before the wedding, he sent two taels of gold weekly and spoke kindly. After the marriage, the wife discovered the gold was borrowed to polish his image. The lesson here is clear: do not give your whole heart to things that change too easily.

## The Buddha’s Teaching: Do Not Trust Your Mind Until You Are an Arhat

The young bhikkhu in the sutra, like us, can be tempted by sensations. The Buddha taught that our minds are filled with karma and emotion, and thus cannot be trusted.

He warned, “If you have not attained the stage of an Arhat, do not trust your own mind. Free yourself from those emotions and thoughts, for they are not real, nor are they correct or accurate.”

Only when we possess the wisdom and supernatural powers of a noble one can we accurately judge right from wrong. For now, we must learn to observe all emotions, seeing clearly their nature of impermanence (anicca). Practice mindfulness so we are not swept away by emotional currents, opening the path to liberation.

Practice this today: when a thought or feeling of love or hate arises, breathe and recognize it. See it as merely a wave, not reality. Return to the breath and mindfulness, and you will see suffering (dukkha) dissolve. Do not let the heart deceive you. Let wisdom lead the way.