Children Do Not Understand Their Parents' Love: A Profound Lesson from Venerable Thich Chan Quang

Have you ever wondered why children often fail to understand their parents' love? And why, even after taking refuge, we still do not truly feel the compassion of the Buddhas? In a recent dharma talk, Venerable Thich Chan Quang offers a profound perspective on this matter, helping us reflect on our own spiritual maturity.

### The Child Who Only Knows Fear

Venerable Chan Quang begins by recalling his own childhood. When asked by his grandparents if he loved them, the young boy would simply answer "yes" just to get food or candy. He realized that children do not yet possess true love because their brains have not developed enough for such affection to exist within them.

The first emotion a child feels is not love, but fear. They fear abandonment, hunger, and punishment. Adults often use this fear to teach discipline, warning children with threats like, "If you do not eat, the monster will catch you!"

### Adolescence and Love for Strangers

As the brain develops, children begin to experience love. However, strangely, the first people they love are not their parents, but strangers. Venerable Chan Quang explains that during adolescence, roughly from ten to eighteen years old, young people become rebellious and stubborn. They tend to listen to their friends rather than their parents, sometimes falling deeply into romantic relationships.

He shares a painful story about two young lovers who jumped into the Red River from the Thanh Tri Bridge due to intense emotions. In their despair, they did not think of their parents, their families, or their country.

### When Do We Truly Understand Our Parents?

It is often only in one's thirties that a person begins to understand parental love. By then, however, parents may already be old or gone. Yet, there is a miracle offered by the Buddha's teachings (Dharma). Teaching filial piety helps develop a child's character and brain twenty years earlier than usual.

Through festivals like Vu Lan and summer retreats, children plant the seed of loving their parents early. This allows their character to grow rapidly. This is a significant contribution of Buddhism to humanity.

### The Buddha Loves Us Like Parents Love Their Children

When we kneel before the Buddha, we often only know how to ask for things, much like a child demanding gifts from their parents. Sentient beings relate to the Buddha in the same way. Everyone kneeling before the Buddha asks for favors, just as a hungry baby cries for food or begs for a beautiful shirt.

The Buddha’s love is not meant to spoil us. Instead, it always aims for our enlightenment. Therefore, the Buddha’s care can sometimes seem cold or difficult to understand.

### Reverence for the Buddha: The First Step

A turning point on the path occurs when we learn to feel reverence for the Buddha rather than just making requests. Venerable Chan Quang emphasizes that those who rise in the Dharma are those who, while kneeling before the Buddha, awaken genuine respect.

Samantabhadra Bodhisattva lists "revering all Buddhas" as the first of his ten great vows. If we only know how to ask, we remain spiritual children within the Noble Eightfold Path. We must learn to show reverence, for it is the door opening to wisdom and liberation.

### Lessons from a Husband with Cancer

Venerable Chan Quang tells the story of a husband suffering from cancer. Afraid his wife would suffer too much after his death, he acted coldly and pushed her away so she would stop loving him. Later, she understood his intention.

Similarly, parents often struggle silently to provide for their children. While a child demands toys or treats, they do not see the mental exhaustion and careful calculation their parents endure to afford these things.

Love from parents and the Buddha is not always expressed through sweetness. Sometimes it appears cold so that we can grow up and mature on our own.

Today, look inward. What fears still linger? Are you still only asking the Buddhas for help? Begin by opening your heart to reverence. Understand that the love of your parents and the Buddha is always present, waiting only for you to grow enough to recognize it.