Leaving the Buddha to Practice Alone: Why Clinging to Your Own Will Loses Merit

Today, I wish to share with you a small story from the Minor Anthology of the Dhamma. It concerns a monk named Megya, who traded the privilege of staying near the Buddha for a beautiful mango grove. In the end, he had to return, realizing that his own stubbornness had caused him to lose all blessings from merit.

### Why Did Megya Leave the Buddha?

Megya served as the attendant to the Buddha before the arrival of Ananda. During that time, the Buddha often traveled alone to teach, and Megya was the only one attending to Him. One morning, while going on alms round, Megya passed by a stunning mango grove featuring a lake, clear springs, and delightful scenery. His mind stirred with desire; he wished to practice there alone. He asked the Buddha for permission, but the Buddha refused. The first time, the Buddha said, "Let it go, Megya. With only the two of us here, leaving is not appropriate." Yet Megya remained firm. The second time, the Buddha advised, "Wait until another monk arrives, then you may go." Still, he did not listen. The third time, despite the Buddha’s counsel, Megya used the excuse of diligent practice to insist. Finally, the Buddha allowed him to leave. And so, Megya departed from his teacher to reach that mango grove.

Hearing this, you might feel anger: "How could someone be so heartless? To have the chance to be near the Buddha and yet leave?" But look within yourself. How many times do we believe we are right, insisting on doing things our way, even when our teachers advise otherwise?

### Megya’s Mistake Is Our Mistake

Upon arriving at the mango grove, Megya tried to sit in meditation. Strangely, delusions of lust, malice, and hatred arose continuously. He was astonished: "I have renounced the world, and for a long time, these thoughts did not arise. Why, when I am determined to practice diligently in a pure forest, does this happen?" The more he practiced, the more he failed. After a month, he gave up and returned to meet the Buddha.

The Buddha taught that the cause of these delusions was not the forest itself, but the loss of merit. When one clings to their own will and distances themselves from wise friends, blessings from merit are damaged, and the mind becomes chaotic. Master Chan Quang taught: "Sometimes, when an evil thought arises in our mind, it is not because we are inherently bad, but because we have lost merit. Conversely, when wholesome thoughts arise, it is not solely because we are good, but because we have recently created merit somewhere."

"By practicing the Buddha's teachings ourselves, we resonate with the Buddha infinitely. Even though two thousand five hundred years have passed since the Buddha lived, it is as if He stands right before us."

### Five Supports for Practitioners

The Buddha taught Megya five essential practices for progress, which serve as our equipment today:

First, stay close to wise teachers and spiritual friends. Always remain near those who have attained realization to receive careful guidance, rather than practicing alone by your own choice.

Second, keep the precepts and see danger in even minor faults. Maintaining moral discipline is the foundation of merit and meditative concentration.

Third, frequently listen to noble teachings. Let your speech be filled with Dharma wisdom, avoiding trivial or idle chatter.

Fourth, purify the mind to cultivate pure virtue. Moral integrity and meditative concentration are deeply interconnected.

Fifth, possess wisdom to skillfully apply effort. The mind is complex; we need wisdom to navigate through the jungle of consciousness without being deceived by it.

Without these supports, we easily fall into Megya’s situation—thinking we are practicing diligently, while actually losing the support of wise friends and diminishing our merit.

### Four Contemplations to Cure Mental Ills

Beyond these five practices, the Buddha taught four contemplations, each curing a specific affliction:

Contemplate impurity to eliminate greed and lust. Contemplate compassion to eliminate hatred. Contemplate the breath to eliminate restlessness. Contemplate impermanence and non-self to eliminate pride and ego-clinging.

The verse the Buddha taught emphasizes: "Hidden delusions dominate the entire soul, causing endless wandering in samsara because they are not clearly known. Know them clearly, and use mindfulness and diligence to eradicate and subdue them."

### Practicing the Teachings Does Not Require Calling the Buddha’s Name

In his lecture, Master Chan Quang shared a very ordinary story. At a meditation retreat in Hanoi, a Buddhist practitioner sat in meditation, constantly chanting "Namo Amitabha Buddha" because her mind was agitated. The master told her, "Do not just call the Buddha’s name; follow the Buddha’s teachings." He explained: When you observe your breath, you are not calling the Buddha’s name, yet every inhalation and exhalation is an act of obeying the Buddha. That breath is filled with reverence and love for the Buddha. The Buddha is not far away; He is always with us when we practice correctly.

Many mistakenly believe that resonance with the Buddha only occurs when chanting His name, and that observing the breath lacks this connection. However, it is profoundly important: Practicing the Buddha’s teachings is the most genuine way to resonate with Him.

### The Danger of Clinging to Your Own Will

The deepest lesson here is the teaching: "Never trust your own mind," unless you have attained Arhatship. Master Chan Quang reminded us: "Why do we like to follow our own ideas? Because we assume whatever we think is truth. Yet, even when the Buddha, the teacher of gods and humans, speaks gently, we do not listen."

Learn to doubt your own thoughts. A thought may seem good, such as going to the temple, but if a neighbor needs help at that moment, going to the temple becomes an act of indifference. A person of wisdom knows how to balance considerations and does not hastily follow any impulse. Clinging to one’s own will is a dangerous trap that dissipates merit and fills the mind with harmful thoughts.

### Live as a True Disciple

When recounting Megya’s story, Master Chan Quang exclaimed: "For me, merely dreaming of the Buddha would bring happiness for ten or twenty years." Yet Megya, living right beside the Buddha, did not cherish this opportunity. Do you cherish the Buddha and your teachers? Do not give up, and do not arbitrarily follow your own path. Stay close to wise friends, keep the precepts, listen to the Dharma, purify your mind, and cultivate wisdom. Practice with each breath, in every present moment, for the Buddha is right beside you.

Please return with sincere reverence, place yourself under the guidance of your teachers, and practice without clinging to your own will. Only then will the path to liberation open wide.